The Preacher's Son and the Wild Child
by Shady Phee
Summary: Two high schoolers. One raised in the church with an overbearing father. The other a mystery and more than she seems. They've always seen each other, liking what they saw, but never approached the other, until one party. One ballsy decision changes their lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I think this is going to be Edward's POV only, if it changes, I'll be sure to make it clear.

This is a new story, I only have one and half chapter's written, so it will take a while to update, I just wanted to see what everyone thought so far. It probably won't be that long either. ((shrugs)) Things might change though. We'll have to see.

Thanks,

Phee

When I write this story I listen to any Lana Del Rey song.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Twilight related. **  
**

* * *

_People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange to me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people._

-Johnny Depp

(Edward)

If you would've known me as a kid, you would've seen me with my hair combed back and at the front of my father's, Pastor Carlisle Cullen, Baptist church three days a week.

My father wanted me there everyday, but my mother, Esme, convinced him that I was only a child who needed a break. Thankfully, my father basically did anything my mother said.

Now I was eighteen and my parents were lucky I went to the Sunday service. I still believed in God, I just didn't see the point in having to go to a building and listen to what other people wanted me to believe. I had a personal relationship with God and that was good enough for me. Not for my father though. But I didn't care what he thought.

If it wasn't for Esme, he would've kicked me out by now. And since he was a man of God, he didn't hit me, even though I knew he wanted to. Badly.

I was stapled as the Preacher's Son early in life. _Real_ original. I know. I didn't mind it though. Some of the girls thought I was a novelty, all of them loving my crazy hair since I didn't let my mother come near me with a wet comb anymore.

I also played basketball. Well. So that gave me some cred too. A few of my teammates were the closest thing I had to friends. Neither of my parents approved of them. Especially Jasper, who almost always had parties at his parents house every weekend. They didn't mind Mike so much because he was good at pretending to be a good, God fearing, guy when he was actually the worse of us all, snorting blow and popping pills like it was going out of style. Emmett was too playboy for them, changing girls more than his boxers.

My father almost always had a coronary when I said I was going out with them, but there was nothing he could really do. Esme would slip condoms in my pocket when Carlisle wasn't looking. She'd look into my eyes, telling me silently to be careful and safe. Sometimes, I loved my mom more than my dad. I hated feeling that way, but I did. I loved my dad too, but not as much as Esme. Come to think of it, I remembered feeling that way since I was three.

When I got to the party, I finally felt free. The music, always loud and thumping since Jazz had no neighbors and his parents didn't give a shit, would pump through my whole body. I had to decline the drugs, since my father threw random piss test at me, but I was all over the alcohol. When I finally reached Jazz, Em, and Mike we all started hollering and slapping each other's backs.

We were playing flip cup when she passed me by.

Isabella Swan. Bella, she liked to be called.

She was the definition of wild youth. So untamed and raw you couldn't help but stare at her. She was so intense, a lot of guys were intimidated by her, but they all wanted her. Even Jazz, besides the fact that he was taken by her best friend, Alice.

Her dark hair was always down and messy as if she didn't have time for a brush, still the locks were lush and shinny as if God had bestowed good hair upon her. When we weren't in school she wore a tiny nose hoop and showed off her back thigh tattoos of the words, _Fuck Perfection, _in big script font. I always thought the words were funny, since she was so close to being perfect to me. You'd think a cigarette be attached permanently to her lips, but they weren't. Thank God, because I hated kissing ash trays. Not that I thought she'd ever want to kiss me, I was just a hopeful person.

Her shirts were my favorite thing. It was as if she found them at thrift shops and altered them into lose fitting, tattered tanks, always showing her different variety of bras. No matter what, she always had the same worn out, black Converse on.

Bella passed all of us with a wink to me as Jazz pulled Alice to his side, kissing her and gripping her hips roughly. I heard Alice moan loudly, before I turned to follow Bella.

She floated past the crowd, always having some sort of other person's body part touching her as if people knew how special she was and hoped that any sort of contact would rub it off on them.

Leah Clearwater even pulled Bella down for the most erotic kiss I'd ever seen. Bella leaned fully into it, kissing the other girl so exquisitely the poor thing almost fainted. Bella stood, smiling at all the dazed male and female faces before her. I'd heard she didn't care what race or gender you were, if you were attractive and interesting to her, she was game. I hoped that she didn't mind virgin church boys.

She twirled around, literally twirling on the tip of her toes, like the ballerina she was. She was a conundrum for sure. I always found myself wondering if she had to cover up her tatts on recitals. I wanted to ask, but I never had the balls to. Shit, I didn't even have the balls to say _hello _to her.

I stayed far enough behind her to where I wasn't that obvious, but close enough to stay with her.

I obviously wasn't as sneaky as I thought because she turned on me, nearly making me run into her.

I skittered to a halt, eyes bugging out.

"What are you doing?" she asked, cocking a brow.

I looked down at her. I didn't realize how short she was until then. Her personality made her seem larger than life.

I shook my head rapidly. "Uh...nothing."

"_Sure,_" was her sarcastic reply.

Damn, she smelt good.

"Yo, earth to Edward," she waved a hand in my face. "What's your deal?"

I gulped, fully panicking. "Just wanted to say, hi."

She narrowed her eyes a bit, not believing me. "Hi." Then she was walking again.

I stood there, staring at her back like a moron before I rushed to her.

"That wasn't it." What the fuck was I doing? _Idiot, idiot, idiot. _I had nothing else to say to her. Shit, I was sweating.

She turned around slowly, looking at me with a bored expression as if she knew I was going to hit on her like everyone else. I had planned on complimenting her, until I saw her expression.

I cleared my throat more than I needed to before a stupid ass question slipped out of my mouth. "What do you do about your tattoos when you have a recital?"

This question thoroughly surprised her, but she answered honestly. "Nothing."

"Wow. So you instructor doesn't mind?"

"Oh, she hates it, but I don't give a shit. She can kick me off if she doesn't like it."

I smiled, loving that she was so headstrong. "You must be good if she hasn't yet."

She shrugged. "I guess. Mostly, she doesn't have a lot of dancers anymore so she has to settle for rejects like me."

The last part shocked me. "You're not a reject."

She titled her head at me. "How would you know?" It was sassy question, but with the way she asked it made it come out more vulnerable sounding. Bella, vulnerable? Yea, and pigs flew. At that moment, a football sailed over our heads.

I opened my mouth, then closed it.

"I thought so." She went to turn away, but I snatched her wrist without thinking. Chilling fire licked at me the minute I made contact with her skin. She stared at me with wide brown eyes, not saying a word.

Now that I was so close to her, I could see the real girl behind the facade. Her eyes, though beautiful, were sad as if she'd seen things people shouldn't. I wondered what could cause her eyes to be like that, but more so I wondered how I could make the look go away.

"You're right. I don't know you." I started, surprised that I could form words with how my body was reacting to hers. It felt as if something was crawling under my skin, tingling and stinging wonderfully. "But I know you're not a reject."

"How?" she whispered, leaning towards me to touch my shoulder with her free hand. Though she touched my shirt, it felt as if she were touching my skin.

Everything disappeared and all I saw and felt was Bella.

I licked my lips, looking at her plump ones. "Because I have eyes."

She smiled, showing teeth, which was something she normally didn't do. She usually sported the sexist smirk, but her smile was something otherworldly to behold. "I've always liked you, Edward."

I blinked, stupid surprised. "_Really?_"

She nodded, fingers walking up my shoulder to my neck then hair. Her hands delved into the twirling cluster fuck onto of my head. I closed my eyes, praying that this wasn't a dream. I'd be so fucking pissed it was. I've had some almost just like this before. Many times. I almost asked her to pinch me before she tugged at my hair enough for it to pinch and have the amazing sensation travel all the way to my balls. Not a dream. Definitely not a dream. Thank fuck.

I looked at her, wanting to lower to taste her lips but still not sure if that was okay. She took the choice away, lifting on her tip toes to plant her silky soft lips on mine. I closed my eyes, letting go of her wrist to wrap my arms around her. _Holy shit! _How the fuck did this happen? Thank you Jesus or Mary or whoever the fuck brought me this miracle.

She kissed even better than I imagined. Her lips and tongue moved with mine as if she knew what I was going to do before I did. Natural was the word that described her. It was a privilege to kiss her. Something you remembered for the rest of your life.

Her hand clutched my shoulders as she moaned into my mouth. I nearly lost my cool as I leaned her neck back and turned her head to get better access to her mouth. She moved willingly, pulling at my shirt as if it were in her way. I would've stripped it right then, if I didn't remember at the last minute that we weren't alone—far from it.

We pulled away at the same time, me scooping her closer and she leaning against my shoulder. She was light but dead weight at the same time, as if I'd let her go, she'd fall to the floor.

I felt her smile against my neck. "You're a good kisser. Did you learn how to at bible school?"

I chuckled, pushing hair off her shoulder to kiss the bare skin at her collar bone. "No. First time."

Her head snapped back. "You're dicking me."

I smiled, shaking my head.

"I've seen you with girls surrounding you."

I nodded, not saying anything.

"So you're telling me you never kissed even _one _of them."

I nodded again.

She frowned at me. "I've seen you be pulled under the bleachers by Lauren."

Now I was embarrassed. "She didn't bother trying to kiss me."

She blinked at me until recognition hit. "Oh. So you let her go down on you. I thought you were suppose to be a virgin." This realization upset her more than I thought it would.

I shook my head, pulling her more rigid body closer. "I didn't let her. I swear."

Why I cared if she approved? I didn't know. It wasn't as if she'd never done things with other people. Shit, I heard she went all the way with her Senior boyfriend now ex our Sophomore year. She'd apparently had a threesome with Mike and Jess too. They'd both bragged about it, she never said yes or no, so I was left to guess for myself. It didn't bother me at first, until I saw her judging me.

She looked into my eyes, showing nothing now. "Okay."

"Do you believe me?"

She nodded, though she didn't look totally convinced.

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

Her eyes slitted. "Why? Because I'm a slut?"

"_I never said that!_"

"You might as well have. Let me go."

I listened even though I didn't want to.

She weaved through the crowd, pulling away from grasping hands to push open the glass double doors. I followed her outside.

We walked all the way to the end of the property, the house a little dot as 50 Cent echoed over the field.

She laid on the grass, looking at the cloudy dark sky, not a star in sight.

I laid next to her, leaving a small space between us.

We stayed silent for so long I thought she fell asleep. I could hardly see her outline, let alone her eyes.

Finally she said, "I'm a virgin too."

I sat up. "I'm sorry, Bella. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm a jackass."

She sat up too. "Yes, I do. I don't care what everyone else thinks. I _do _care what you think about me."

"Why?"

I saw her shoulders bounce. "I don't know. I just do."

"Why do you let the rumors go on?"

"Because if I deny them, it wouldn't make a deference. Plus, it helps with my image." She was going for blithe, but failed. I could hear how tired she sounded, as if she'd spent hundreds of years on earth instead of only eighteen. "I also put myself in situations like you that make me look guilty."

I nodded, knowing where she was coming from. Lauren to this day still bragged about making me come my brains out, even though she didn't even touch my dick.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Stop apologizing, I judged you too. Let's just let it go, okay?"

"Deal."

She crawled to me, her fresh breath fanning over my mouth before she lightly traced her tongue across my lips.

She said the next thing so softly, I almost didn't hear her. "Do you want to lose you're virginity with me?"

I convulsed so hard, I nearly toppled over. "So fucking much."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Song: **_Burning Desire _by Lana Del Rey

* * *

_Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you._

_-_Oprah Winfrey

She laughed, before climbing on my lap and pulling off my shirt at the same time.

"_Now?_" I asked as I kissed her neck.

She grinded on my lap. "Why not?"

"I don't know. Bugs?"

She laughed, pulling my face to hers to kiss me into submission. "Are you going to let a few bites get in the way of what you want?"

"Hell no," I answered instantly as I squeezed her ass wrapped in worn denim shorts.

She paused for a second. "Do you have a condom?"

"Yes."

"Eager beaver," she joked as she nipped at my shoulder. "Who were they meant for?"

"No one."

She pulled away, titling her head. My eyes adjusted enough for me to see wrinkles on her forehead.

"My mom gave them to me...just incase."

Bella laughed. "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen."

She kissed me again, before pulling her top and bra off and guiding my hands to cup her breast.

I almost blew my load right then, and barely held myself back by imagining clowns or something else equally unsexy.

She pulled back a little. "I just wanted to let you know, I popped my own cherry."

I blinked in utter confusion. "How?"

She was quiet for a moment. "Masturbating."

I nodded, imagining her pleasuring herself and squirming when my dick pressed uncomfortably against my fly.

She mistook my silence for disbelief. "I swear, I'm not lying. I can show you the dildos I used sometime."

I closed my eyes tightly, rolling her nipples between my fingers. She gasped, leaning her forehead against mine. "I believe you. I just can't stop imagining you doing it."

"Oh," she breathed, hands diving to my jeans to unbutton and unzip them.

Her hand couldn't seem to grasp my dick under the fabric fast enough, I felt pre-cum seep out before she even started stroking.

She slid off my lap to slide my pants down to my knees as I picked my butt up, hands against the ground.

I saw her head dip down before I felt her mouth take the head in then the whole length. I fell on my back against the pokey grass, I was too consumed to give a shit if I was on burning coals, ass picking up as I bucked a little. "What are you doing?"

I felt the vibrations of her laughing through my whole body. "Isn't it pretty obvious?" she asked around the tip before going down again.

I touched a shaky hand to her hair, combing the even softer than I'd imagined locks. "I mean, why?"

She popped off, running light nails over my hip bones. "So you'll last longer."

"Are you going to...?"

"Suck you off? Yes."

I blinked up at the sky, seeing the moon peeking at us through the clouds. I didn't think she could be any hotter. How fucking wrong I was.

Her voice was quiet and guarded as she said, "Unless you don't want me to."

I looked at her, leaning on my elbows. "Of course I do! I'm not a idiot."

I saw her white teeth show again before I felt her lips on me again.

I fell back again, leaning my head against the grass as my back arched. _Fuck, _she was remarkable. I didn't know what exactly I was expecting this experience to be like, but it surpassed whatever notations I had by lightyears. Her essence wrapped around me like fog as she controlled my pleasure whichever damn way she pleased. Holy shit, I'd never be the same again. _This girl will rule me. _I had no qualms about the revelation whatsoever.

Meowing sounds started coming from somewhere. _Was there a kitten or something? _Oh, motherfucker, the sound was coming from me. I was too lost to be embarrassed. She seemed to savor the sounds, growing faster and more into it.

I cupped my hands lightly around her head, trying not to force her down to hard, though I really, really wanted to. I was just getting into all the sensations when she caressed my balls, then I was a goner.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I yelped, trying to pull away from her mouth.

She wouldn't let go and took everything in.

I melted to the ground, limbs heavy as she finished cleaning me off. "Damn, I could die happy now."

She laughed as she stood to slid her shorts and shoes off. "Not yet, that was just the preview."

I went to pull my pants off.

"Leave them."

I listened, though I didn't understand why.

"Put you're condom on," she ordered sweetly as she rolled her hair up on top her head.

"Okay."

It took me longer than I'd have liked to put the thing on, but when I finally did, she lifted my face up to kiss me. I tasted something salty on her tongue. It took me a while to realize that it was _me _I was tasting. The idea of it didn't appall me as much as I thought it would've.

When she lowered on my lap, I realized she still had her panties on, they were just pushed to the side. I held onto the elastic, lacey fabric as she palmed my dick and guided it to her opening.

I moaned hoarsely as my tip touched her wet folds.

She made a small sound of discomfort before she slammed down. Her whole body shook as pain raked through her body.

She might of popped her own cherry, but she was still tight as hell. I sat up, rubbing her smooth back with my finger tips as I kissed her neck. "You didn't have to do that. You could've gone slow."

"I wanted to get the pain over with," she answered back. "This is _sooo _different from a dildo."

I smiled, kissing her nipple.

She sucked in air, grinding a little.

I gripped her hips, feeling my orgasm brimming over the surface already. It'd be embarrassing as shit if I came already with all the glorious work she'd done before.

My hand went to her clit, rubbing and circling and causing her to ride me even faster. I was a virgin, but there was something called Tumblr, so I wasn't naive to pleasuring women.

I kissed her as I felt perspiration on her back. Her sweat was a fine sheen, while mine was flowing off me by the bucket load. That was because of nerves too though. She kissed be back, all tongue and luscious lips as she started bouncing.

I groaned loudly as my whole world changed.

I almost let go completely because the pressure was too much, when she said, "I'm close."

I laid down, helping her slid on me and bucking in time as I hollered at myself inwardly to keep my shit together. Sultry sounds of pleasure escaped her lips as moonlight shone on her face. She looked like a goddess.

I felt her tighten, keeping a vice grip on my penis as her ecstasy took her away. I came along with her, unable to stop it even if I wanted to, which I really, truly didn't. Not on my life did I ever want to stop it. I never wanted to stop touching her either.

She collapsed on top of me as I wrapped my arms around her back. My butt oddly itched, but not enough that I had to scratch it. We stayed like that for a moment just matching our breaths, until I went limp inside her. She kissed me as I held on to the condom so she could slide off.

After pulling off the condom and cleaning myself off with my socks, I rolled them and the condom into a ball and stuffed them in my pocket before putting my shoes back on my now bare feet and pulling my pants back up. I pulled her on top of me, readjusting her underwear for her with one hand as the other released her hair from its bun.

She sighed contently as she nuzzled her face into my neck. Her thigh hitching up and rubbing against my ultra sensitive dick had me hard instantly.

She licked my neck. "Ready again already?"

I chuckled breathlessly. "Seems that way."

She went to get up, hand traveling down my abs.

I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to where she was before. "Whoa, tiger."

I felt her frown against me neck. I'd insulted her. I kissed her fingers one at a time before sucking her pinky into my mouth. She moaned, squirming about as she pressed her mouth to my neck.

I let go of her wrist, placing it on my side.

Her fingers splayed across my ribs as her lips from my lobe.

"I want to give you some time before we do it again."

I wasn't the biggest cat around, but I wasn't small either. Plus, I knew first time intercourse made girls sore.

She whispered, "Thank you." before kissing her way up to my mouth.

I kissed her back, wrapping my tongue around hers as my hand cupped her face.

"No problem," I said once we pulled away.

My hands roamed leisurely around her body, finding places that elicited the most satisfying sounds from her.

I realized finally that the sun was on its way up. We sat up together, me much more panicked than Bella. My dad was going to kill me.

I told her this.

She tired to hide a smile with no success as she handed me my shirt and I handed her bra and tank over.

Once we were dressed, I started booking it to the house. I halted and whirled around, realizing what a jackass I was being.

I rushed to her, scooping her up and spinning as we kissed.

She laughed as I lowered her to the ground.

"Can I drive you home?" I asked, figuring I was already in deep shit for staying out all night. I was eighteen, but that fact didn't keep my dad from getting in my face. The fact that I'd probably miss Sunday service wouldn't help me at all.

She smiled, eyes a little nervous. "_No._ No. Get home. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble over me." She was full on smirking now, getting a kick out of this.

I kissed her smirk away before leaning my cheek against hers. "I'd get in trouble for you anytime."

She sighed, petting my hair. "Same here. But you seriously don't need to worry about me, I have a ride."

I knew she didn't have a car. But if she said she had a ride, I had nothing else to do but believe her. It wasn't as if I could force her to take my ride. I did wonder why she was so adamant about _me _not taking her home though. I wish I had time to worry over it more, but I didn't.

I nodded, kissing her again, before I walked her to the house in search of Alice and Jasper, who were stretched over his bed butt naked. I looked up as Bella laughed, I heard bed springs squeak and couldn't help but look and see Bella sitting next to Alice and smacking her booty.

Jasper and Alice roused, Jasper smiling his ass off. "We'd all wondered where you two ran off to."

"We had sex," Bella offered as if it were no biggie.

I gaped at her, before hinging my jaw back shut.

Alice and Jasper clapped, Jazz flipping over and flashing his junk without a care in the world. He was big with a capital B, so he got a kick out of showing off Major Glory, actual nickname he gave himself. It wasn't a party without seeing Jasper streaking.

Bella didn't even pay him mind as her and Alice had a girly celebration together.

"How was it? Details, details!" Alice said as she wrapped herself up with help from Bella.

Bella went to say something, almost as if she'd forgotten I was there.

I cleared my throat. "Um...maybe you should wait until it's more...private."

Bella looked at me over her shoulder. "Until you're gone, you mean?"

I swallowed, nodding.

She titled her head at me. "Why? I don't plan on saying anything negative."

Well, that was a relief. I waved my hand for her to continue as I leaned against the door frame. I really should've been leaving, but I didn't see a point into rushing into my doom.

She gave Alice a blow by mother-fucking blow account of how it went down. Jasper took us both in with a keen eye, staying mostly glued to Bella. His attraction to her always bothered me, now it was ten times worse. I'd have to let him know what's up, even fight him if it came to it. After all he wasn't _that _close of a friend. If anyone was my closest, it would be Emmett. Though he liked the ladies, he had a very strike moral code about leaving the taken ones alone. Jasper got easily bored and thought he was God's gift to women, not understanding why more didn't throw themselves at him.

Alice was too good for him, but she wouldn't listen to anyone when they told her that, so she got what she got.

He's cheated on her a handful of times and she still took him back every time. She was a gorgeous girl with a good head on her shoulder, so the only explanation for her allowing herself to be treated so shitty was something sociological. It sure as fuck wasn't love between them. Love was about giving and helping, not taking and hurting. At least it was to me.

Jasper rubbed his side, hand venturing lower, trying to get Bella's attention. Her eyes were captured in her best friend's as she finished her tale. He frowned, looking at me and having the grace to cover himself finally. I must of been more intimidating than I thought if I could make he cower with only a look. To be fair, Jasper was a pussy. Had been since we were in middle school. He was always the guy that didn't start talking shit until one of his friends held him back.

Alice looked me up and down for a moment before high-fiving Bella. "Way to go, guys!"

Bella smiled at me until she saw my tense face, I tried to hid how aggravated I was by Jasper, but I obviously failed.

She walked to me, touching my face and walking me out the room into the hall. Leaning against the wall she pulled me to her. I went willingly.

"Sorry, if me being so open bothers you. That's just how me and Alice are."

I kissed her. "It wasn't _that _part that bothered me."

She nipped my bottom lip. "What did then?"

"Jasper," I answered lowly.

She rolled her eyes. "That D-bag? _Pluh-ease_. I have nothing for him. I actually can't stand him. That's why I don't hang around y'all."

This was news to me. Why was it so shocking? I didn't know. I couldn't blame her at all. "Well, I'm over it."

"You don't have to be, in fact, go back in there and whoop up on him." She was smiling. Joking. But I could see the seriousness underneath. She really did loathe Jasper. Again, I couldn't blame her.

I smirked, kissing her languidly. "Another time."

She hummed, leaning into me fully as we got carried away with each other.

She pulled away first. "I'll walk you to your car."

I nodded, just then remembering how much shit I was in.

I forgot again when we laced hands and walked downstairs.

* * *

**A/N: **Just to be clear, Bella isn't lying about popping her own cherry. I've done it.

I'm still not far at all in the story. In fact, all I have are these two chapters. Hopefully, they will keep flowing like the first two.

The butt itching thing, my husband does that EVERY TIME and I think it's hilarious.

Also, yeah, they had sex early. Might be a turn off for some, but that's how me and my husband were and we've been happily married for six years. I still understand if this fact makes people want to flounce.

Good day,

Phee


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Song: **_Breakdown_ by Seether

* * *

_Man is not what he think he is, he is what he hides._

-André Malraux

(Edward)

When I finally got home, it was way too late for me to even try and make it to church.

Feeling like I should enjoy the small amount of peace and quiet I was going to get today, I laid in bed, listening to Seether full blast on my mp3 player with headphones that completely covered my ears and gave me one killer earache if I listened to them for too long.

I was just about to fall asleep when my father stepped into the room in a rigid, overly calm way.

I sat up, pulling my headphones down and around my neck and just waited for him to unleash himself.

My father used to be a boxer before he found Jesus and my mother. He was lethal and ruthless from what I've read on old articles. My parents didn't like to talk about it that much, which was fine by me. I used to think it was awesome when I was a kid. I actually idealized him. Now, I saw my father as a ticking time bomb. Much larger and stronger than me since he still trained his body the same way he did when he fought. He said it centered him, but I honestly believed he missed his old life more than he liked to admit. He'd probably still be pretty good too.

I saw more often than not, the inner predator inside my father eyes, just craving blood. It was unnerving to say the least. I also thought he was a hypocrite. He could preach to everyone how great God was and how he'd been changed when he accepted Him into his life, but I knew better. Because the man before me wasn't changed. The man before me was a shell with the pitiless man brewing underneath, just begging to be released.

Moment's like this crystalized for me as I wondered if this was going to be the time I got my ass kicked. I imagined my father decking me in the face, just knocking me a good one, then giving my ribs a solid one-two punch.

Carlisle's nostrils flared and teeth clinched, eyes dilating as if he was imaging the same thing. His features totally transformed into what I imagined his past opponents used to see.

He advanced and I stuck out my chin, daring him.

_Fucking do it, you mother fucking bastard._

Esme stepping in halted my father as if she had a rope around his neck.

Her eyes went from confused to panicked instantly as she took us in. "What's going on?"

"Leave, Esme," my father said through his teeth as his eyes stayed on me.

"No." I'd never heard my mother speak so sternly before, not even when she was fussing at me.

His head snapped to her and she stepped back with a look of distraught revulsion. "You need to leave. Now." Her whole body shook as fear took hold of her features.

I stood and walked in front of my mother.

Carlisle slowly came back to the man he portrayed himself to be as he took us both in. "Esme, honey, please," he pleaded, stepping forward.

She clinched my shoulders as she walked us backwards into the kitchen adjoining my room. "Stop. Just stop."

He froze, looking lost and upset.

Her voice was raspy with tears. "You were going to hit him." It wasn't even a question.

"He's being a little shit," he retorted, throwing me slitted eyes.

"And that deserves you punching him?" Esme was fully outraged now.

Carlisle opened his mouth, then closed it. He took a step, us taking three more back. "I'm going to call the police, Carlisle, if you don't stop," my mother threatened, pulling her phone out her pocket and clutching it against my back.

I rubbed the hand that was now pinching my shoulder as I stared my father down.

"We're leaving," Esme said so quietly I almost didn't hear her. "Don't follow us."

Carlisle eyes widen in panic as he clinched his jaw. "When will you come back?"

"I don't know. You need help, Carlisle," she said as we continued backing ourselves toward the door to the front porch. Thank God I still had my keys and wallet in my pocket.

He nodded. "I'll get it. I promise."

"Good," we both said.

Carlisle was no longer angry, but deflated and desolate as he waved goodbye.

* * *

"I'm so sorry, baby," Esme said to me for the thousandth time as I just drove around for hours. I had no idea where to go, wishing I could go to Bella. But I didn't know where she lived. It never seemed strange to me, until now. I could've called Alice to find out, but I had Esme with me too.

I wasn't sure if Bella would be happy to be ambushed by us right now. With the way she acted this morning about me taking her home, I seriously doubted it.

I grabbed Esme's hand, squeezing it slightly. "It's okay."

She shook her head over and over again. "I've been so blind."

I kept my mouth shut because I had nothing nice to say. She had been blind—for years. Willingly or not? That I wasn't sure of. From the way she reacted, I didn't think she knew how Carlisle was when he didn't think anyone was watching. My father never hit me, but his sort of hostile mental abuse wasn't anything to stick your nose up at. I'd been leaving my life on edge since I turned thirteen and stared "acting out" as my father liked to put it.

Esme stared out the window for a long time. "Where should we go?"

I shrugged. _How would I know? _I was still wrapping my head around everything that just happened. It wasn't fair of me to be aggravated with my mother, but I couldn't seem to help it. I was in an agitated state. Period. I felt as if someone was continuously poking tacks all over my body. Everything and everyone in my way just getting whiplash from it.

"Let's go to Grandma's."

I looked at my mother with wide, unbelieving eyes. My mother and her mother hadn't spoken since she started dating Carlisle, Elizabeth Platt never approving of him.

She took in my shocked expression with equally nonplussed eyes before she nodded.

I nodded back, merging into the lane to my right to take the exit to make a u-turn to Granny Beth's.

* * *

**A/N: **A big jump from Lana Del Rey songs to Seether, I know. But I love the band and the song is perfect for this chapter.

Also I didn't originally plan on Carlisle being so...is abusive a good word? Anyway, he was just going to be judgmental and pigheaded, but the idea for this chapter wouldn't go away so I went with it.

The explanation of why Bella doesn't won't Edward anywhere near her house will come soon. I promise.

Thanks for reading,

Phee


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **There is now a blog for this story, link can be found on my profile.

**Chapter Song: **_Black Hole Sun _by Soundgarden

* * *

_The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it._

_-_Wendell Berry

(Edward)

I followed my mother, looking over her head at the dark blue door we were walking to.

When we reached it, Esme's fist raised, then stayed frozen for a while before she finally knocked.

We waited, me much more relaxed than her. I saw Granny Beth, not enough, from what she so readily told me every time I saw her, but I still saw her. Always here, since she refused to even drive down our street.

Gran opened the door, looking like an older replica of Esme. She was smiling at first when she so me, then her face fell when her eyes lowered to her only child. Her face held a more shocked than upset expression.

Esme bounced on her toes a bit before saying, "Hello, mother."

* * *

We sat in the kitchen in extremely awkward silence. I wanted out of here bad. My skin vibrated from how intense it was. But I was a buffer, so I had to stay. They wouldn't truly start arguing until I was out the room. Why did it worry me? Because Esme had been through enough today. The last thing she needed was Elizabeth giving her a hard time.

It was strange to see Esme so nervous. She was usually so happy and bright I imagined the sun had to cover its eyes. I was a bit overdramatic sometimes. My mother called it a healthy imagination, always claiming that I'd be a writer or director. Too bad I wasn't smart or creative enough to be either. I'd smile indulgently at her whenever she'd say so though, never in the mood to argue with or upset her.

"Here you go, honey," Granny Beth said to me as she slid over a plate with two grilled cheese sandwiches.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome."

I noticed my mother didn't get a plate and that Granny didn't seem to be making anymore and was actually cleaning up.

I grabbed my extra sandwich and handed it to Esme, giving my grandmother a reproving look.

Elizabeth had the grace to look contrite while Esme shook her head. "Go ahead, dear. I couldn't eat a bit right now."

"Of course you're making this about yourself while your child's been the one suffering," Gran spat out. We'd—I'd told Gran everything, even going as far as when everything started so Esme could know too. I saw no point in keeping a big secret anymore just in case Esme decided to give Carlisle a second chance. Which, since I wasn't stupid, I knew there was a good chance of that happening.

Esme hung her head in shame. I stared my grandmother down. "Enough, Elizabeth."

Gran's head snapped back from my aggressive tone and disrespect at using her real name.

"If you'd have gotten over yourself and been around more, you'd have probably seen what was happening and been able to help. Yeah, Esme isn't a saint and neither is Carlisle, but don't kid yourself into think _you _are."

She sputtered. "I-I-I've never assumed that."

I scuffed. "Yeah, sure. What the fuck ever."

"_Edward_," my mother's high-pitched voice squeaked at me as her head snapped up, her eyes rimmed with red and looking at me as if I were a stranger. I'd never spoke like that in front of her before. Well, today was full of surprises for her apparently.

"Sorry," I muttered, not really feeling sorry. "I gotta go." I didn't care if they fought anymore. I was too worried about getting away from the walls that were suddenly closing in on me.

* * *

I drove around like gas prices weren't outrageous.

I wanted to call Bella, but realized I'd been too distracted yesterday—this morning to think about getting her number.

Finally, I decided the best place to find her was Jasper's, though I really didn't feel like being there at the moment.

When I pulled in, I saw his parents' cars were gone again. Both on separate "conference trips" when in reality they were cheating on each other. Even the maids knew what they were up to. It oddly seemed to work for them though since they'd been married for twenty years. That was mostly because they didn't feel like dealing with a messy divorce. Come to think of it, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock loveless relationship was probably why Jasper was the way he was. As messed up as my life was, I always knew my parents loved each other and no one else, always faithful to one another.

Jasper and Alice's cars were parked next to each other, which had an elastic feeling growing in my chest. _Was Bella there?_

She wasn't. Her being busy was the only piece information Alice would give me. I could tell she wasn't necessarily lying, but there was no doubt in my mind that she was holding something back.

I frowned before saying, "Does she have a phone number I could have?"

Alice grew stricken as if I'd just asked her to murder her family. _What. The. Fuck? _This was getting stupid fast. I waited without even trying to fake patience.

She held up a finger to me. "One sec." She leaned over her phone, texting someone. Bella, obviously. So she did have a phone. I had wondered.

Alice waited, tapping her phone against her knee nervously until it made obnoxious kissing sounds. She read the message then looked at me in relief before reciting the number.

"Whoa, hold up!" I said as I scrabbled for my phone. "Repeat it slower, please."

She did as I asked, this time I was able to type it in and save it.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I nodded, before walking to the next room.

"Edward," Alice calling out to me had me spinning around with a question mark on my face. She licked her lips, looking at the ground for a moment before looking up at me. "Do me a favor and don't give Bella a hard time."

"About what?"

She sighed, looking extremely uncomfortable as she twisted her fingers together. "About her not wanting you to be at her house."

_How did she know that? _Oh, right, they told each other everything, which was more than slightly unnerving to know. I went to open my mouth, but she interrupted me.

"Just don't take it personally and don't push her, okay? Trust me, or you'll lose her."

I nodded, trying to swallow through the lump in my throat before leaving the room.

I dialed the number and brought the phone to my ear as I sat on the ridiculously long, curved couch in one of the many sitting areas. The place was nice, but not loved. It was almost like being in a mausoleum, way too clean and barren. Not like my house. Even with my father looming over me, I felt the constant love my mother seemed to spray around the place, as if it were Febreeze or something.

Bella answered on the third ring, sounding tired, "Hey."

My heart raced at the sound of her voice. "Hey."

The silence between us was long and awkward. _Fuck_, this was the last thing I needed. "Um...what're you doing today?"

She sighed, I heard clattering and splashing as if she were washing dishes by hand. "I have a lot to catch up with at home."

She sounded as if she were the mother of the home right then. Strange. I let it go, since I had no idea what her home life was like. I didn't even know if she had brothers or sisters. Damn, that realization made me feel like shit. I'd instantly jumped in the sack—well, technically field, before I got to know a single damn thing about her, which was something I was beginning to suspect was exactly what she wanted.

I made myself sound carefree, something I was surprisingly good at. Maybe I could be an actor. Nah, I'd hate all the attention. "Well, when do you think you'll be free?"

"Edward..." She sounded as if she was about to shoot me down.

"I just want to hang out."

She was quiet again, the sound of the sink draining echoed through the line. "Okay." I sat up as my nerves stood at attention. "I should be able to leave around eight tonight. You can pick me up at the Seven-Eleven." There was only one Seven-Eleven in the area.

"Alright, great," I said as I wondered if she lived near there. If she did, it wasn't the best part of town.

I told myself I didn't care, when I was even more curious than before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Song: **_Sail Away _by David Gray

* * *

_There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent. _

_-_Dave Barry

(Edward)

She was waiting for me in the gas station, talking to the boy behind the counter. I recognized him from school. Jacob Black, a grade lower than us. With the way he was looking at Bella, I could tell he was into her. _Really _into her. It bothered me to an extent, but I couldn't blame the guy. She was easy to like.

His eyes caught me coming in and he frowned.

Bella turned around to see what he was looking at, her face brightening as she pushed away from the counter to hug me.

I smiled, looking at Jacob over her head. He frowned down at the counter.

"Ready?"

She nodded, grinning and bitting her lip at the same time. "Yeah. Sure. Later Jake." She looked at him with a wave as we walked to the door.

"Later," he grumbled back.

I went to go to the passenger side to open the door for her, but she beat me to the punch, sprinting to the driver side and opening the door for me.

I laughed. "What are you doing?"

"Don't tell me your too macho to accept a kind gesture." Her eyes danced with mirth. She was getting a kick out of herself.

I shook my head as I walked around the back of the car to reach her. "You're ridiculous."

She bowed, stretching a hand out to me. "Thank you."

I took her hand, surprising her and pulling her against me.

She half shrieked, half laughed, leaning her head against the side of my face. She stopped laughing when she looked into my eyes.

"I missed you," I found myself whispering without even thinking it through. I didn't care. It was the truth and I was sick of lies and mask. I wanted her to see and know everything I felt.

She licked her lips, eyes zooming all around my face as if they could transfer it to memory. "I missed you too."

I smiled, tucking hair behind her ear. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere," was her immediate answer. A self-conscience laugh slipped from her lips as she kissed me.

I think she meant for it to be short and sweet, but once our lips met, it was game over. I totally forgot where we were as I led her back against the side of my car and combed my fingers through her hair to cage her head between my hands. She tasted even better than I remembered, her lips were so soft and don't even get me started on her tongue.

She pulled away first, breathing heavily against my neck as she placed little kisses up to my jaw then back down, making a trail of goosebumps form in her wake.

I grabbed her waist and she let out an excited gasp. Bad place to grab, such a bad/good place to grab. I hadn't asked to see her just to hook up, though that was starting to look like a nice prospect. I shook my head, kisses her quickly because I couldn't help myself. "Are you hungry?"

"Famished," she purred, obviously taking it as an innuendo.

I pulled away then, still keeping my hands on her because I wasn't _that _good of guy. "No, I'm serious."

"_Oh_! Yeah, sure, I could eat."

I smiled, liking that she was as anxious to be with me again as I was to be with her.

"Lady's choice," I murmured next to her ear.

She shuddered, taking a moment to answer, "Whatever's good with me."

"Do you like pizza?"

"What kind of question is that? You might as well ask if I'm I human?" She laughed loudly.

She had a good laugh. A no bars held laugh. Not caring what people thought of it. It was a kind of laugh you'd hear across a crowded room and be instantly drawn to. Being close to it was like being front row to your favorite band too.

I laughed with her, just because I saw no reason not to. "Pizza it is then."

* * *

"Are you going to eat that?" I asked, touching her last slice of pizza.

We'd split a large with pineapple and ham on my side and pepperoni and jalapeno on hers. We'd ended up liking each other's choices and sharing. I just ate a lot faster than she did.

She looked at me from the corner of her eye, taking the slice and dangling it in my face and lowering it to my mouth before jerking it away and bitting it.

I tried to frown, but I couldn't manage it.

She laughed, whipping her mouth with a napkin and handing me the other half. "I blew you. What, in your mind, made me think I'd have a problem with you touching my food."

I blinked out of shook for a second before grinning. "Yeah, well, I know where he's been." I looked down just incase she didn't know what I was talking about. "But these bad boys." I picked my hands up and wiggled my fingers. "I'm not so sure of."

She rolled her eyes as she slurped coke through a straw. "What do you inspect butt holes for a living and hate washing your hands?"

I bursted out laughing. Laughing so much my rib cage started to hurt. She tried to hold her hard expression, and did a damn fine job of it, but finally couldn't hold back the laughter anymore.

She pushed my shoulder, taking me by surprise and making me drop the pizza on the ground outside the pizza pallor.

I looked at the sad pizza splattered against the ground like a murder victim then at her, pouting as I widened my eyes.

She gasped, laughing hard. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," I accused, giving her an unamused look while I was laughing my ass off inside.

She shook her head. "You're right. I'm not. Sorry, but it's funny."

I chuckled, touching her bare knee.

Her laughter died down as if someone flicked a switch inside her. She swallowed as her hand covered mine.

"Want to go for a walk?" I asked, looking into her eyes and wondering what she was thinking.

She nodded.

After cleaning the table of our trash, we started down the sidewalk. We stopped to peer through the closed shops glass fronts. None held our interest for long, except for one. When we passed an antique boutique, Bella whirled around and stared at a vintage bicycle. It was something you'd likely see a girl riding in the park on a romantic movie. Very girly looking. Something that I hadn't thought she'd like. But she surprised me constantly, so it wasn't that difficult to accept.

"You like it?"

She nodded, not even bothering to look at me. "I've never had one before."

"_Seriously_?" I couldn't hold back the shock now.

Her face shut down as she started walking away. She hadn't meant to share that piece of information, and I'd blown it like a dumbass with my reaction.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I called, grabbing her elbow.

She stopped, not trying to get away but not coming any closer either.

"I'm an idiot."

"That's true." She smiled, but it was sadder than usual. I hated seeing it. Hated being the reason for it.

I walked around her so we were facing. I reached a hand out to her face slowly, touching her cheek when she didn't pull away. "Do you want to tell me why you never had a bike?"

She was quiet for a moment, before sighing. "Isn't it obvious?"

I waited, not wanting to make snap judgments and risk upsetting her.

"I'm poor, Edward. _God_, are you really that oblivious?"

I frowned at the ground. "No. I mean, you don't have to be loaded to have a bike."

"Yeah, well, you have to have parents that give a shit." She pulled away then.

I trailed behind her with my hands stuffed in my pockets, I heard her sniffle a little and winced. All I wanted to do was hold her, but I also sensed that was the last thing she wanted.

When we reached my car, she simply slid into the passenger side, eyes completely dry but still red.

I pulled off, solemn as shit.

I drove as slow as I could, trying to think of something—anything to say and coming up short.

Finally, I said the only lame thing I could think of. "Where do you want to go now?"

"Home."

I closed my eyes briefly. "Okay, where's it at?"

That had her looking at me in surprise. "I mean, you can drop me off where you picked me up."

My eyebrows slammed down. "Uh, no dice, sweetheart."

"Why not?" she asked defensively, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Because I don't feel comfortable dropping you off this late."

She frowned at the front window. "Fine. Bring me to Alice's then."

"Is she even home?"

Bella groaned loudly, pulling her phone out and texting Alice. She got a quick reply. "Yes."

"Okay. To Alice's we a-go."

She smiled a little before she turned away.

We drove about five more minutes, before I couldn't take it anymore and pulled over.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want to end the night like this."

She eyed me cautiously. "Like what?"

"You mad at me."

She looked up, sinking further into the seat. "I'm not precisely mad at you."

"What are you then?" I challenged, not willing to accept that as an answer.

She shrugged. "I'm mad at how stupid things are sometimes."

It hit me like an insult though I knew it wasn't meant to be. "Oh."

She touched my shoulder. "I'm not saying you're stupid."

I looked at her hand, feeling relieved in an instant. "What did you mean then?"

She sighed, but didn't take her hand away so I was happy. "I'm angry at...life, I guess."

"Life?" I asked, nodding at the same time.

Her hand lowered to grasp mine, she looked at my longer fingers against the back of her hand. "I think life is pointless sometimes. I mean, why do things have to be so shitty?"

_Amen_, I thought to myself as I looked into her eyes filled with deep sorrow. "When is life worth it to you?"

She looked at me then. "When I'm away from it."

I nodded. "At parties?"

She nodded. "And other times."

"Like?"

She gave me a look, a look I knew well. It was a _don't be dim_ look. I gave a lot of people that look, even myself. I waited, wanting to hear her say it.

She groaned. "When we're together."

I smiled, feeling warmth swelling in my chest. I leaned in, inches away from her face. She made no sort of move, just stared at me. "You help me escape too."

"What do you have to escape?" she asked skeptically, leaning back a little now.

I smiled bitterly, staying where I was. I thought about holding back, like she so often did to me, but I didn't want to. "You'd be surprised to learn what's behind my home's doors."

She touched my chin, taking in my face with worried eyes. "What do you mean?"

I looked down, kissing her palm. She sighed, eyes fluttering shut. "It's a long story."

"I have time."

I smiled against her hand, before pulling away and getting out the car.

I leaned back in to see her confused wide eyes. "Meet me in the back."

She smiled, shaking her head as she slipped out and poked her head over the roof to splash the condensation that had built up on top at me. I ducked inside the back, pulling her next to me when she started scooting in. She laughed in shock, pushing hair out of my face. I kissed her, forgetting what we'd been talking about as I lowered her down.

Her small hands pushed against my chest and I sat up. "Sorry," I mumbled.

She grabbed my face, kissing me as if she was declaring something. "Don't be sorry. I just want to talk more before we get out of control."

I nodded, licking my lips. "What was I talking about?"

"You're family life."

I nodded. "Right. Um...well, to make it simple, my father has anger problems."

She stiffened. "He hits you?"

I shook my head. "He's never got that far."

She brow furrowed in confusion. This was harder than I thought it would be to explain.

"He's always just threatened me."

"So, he said he'd hit?"

"No," I said, leaning my head back as a slight ache began behind my eyes.

"What would he do?" Her toying with the hem of my shirt distracted me enough to make the budding migraine go away.

"Physically intimidating me by standing over me with balled up fist, slinging his arm back or other stuff, always with the same cold expression." I couldn't help feeling like a baby admitting this to her. She'd no doubt see me differently now.

She leaned her head against my shoulder. "For how long?"

I looked down at her hair against my shirt, wishing I could see her face. "Five years."

She looked at me, compassion taking over her features. I was relieved and shocked to see her look like that. Relief was easy to explain, but the shock was because I'd rarely seen her be compassionate. She wasn't hateful, just...disinterested. Or at least that's what she projected. "Do you still live with him?"

I shook my head. "We moved this morning to my grandmother's. Me and my mother."

She put the puzzle pieces together quickly. "You were late..."

I nodded. "Yeah. And my dad lost his shit, almost hit me for real until my mom stepped in."

Bella started to shake. I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her arm. "Hey, it's okay. I'm good."

"But if we'd never had—"

"Hey." I made her look at me with a gentle hand to the side of her face. "I don't regret a thing. Understand?"

She nodded, still not looking convinced.

"I'm serious. I don't want what I told you to ruin what we had—_have_ together."

She breathed deeply, leaning her forehead against mine as she perched her hands on my shoulders. "I had no idea."

"How could you? It's not like we broadcasted it."

She pulled back, lips puckered cutely. "I know, but I hate how quick I was to judge your life without knowing a thing."

"You thought it was peachy keen, right?"

She took a moment to nod.

"Yeah, I know. A lot of people think that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a big deal." I shrugged, though it was kind of.

"Yes, it is. I was being unfair to you."

"You didn't know any better."

She shook her head, not breaking down. "So. That doesn't matter. I, of all people, should know better than to just accept what I see as truth."

I smiled, kissing her softly. "I forgive you."

She frowned. "I couldn't have forgiven you as fast."

I smirked. "Thanks for the honesty."

"Anytime."

We laughed together, before colliding together, lips smashing so hard I was surprised it didn't hurt. She climbed on my lap as I pulled her shirt off. I hadn't meant to have sex. That honestly wasn't my intention, but sometimes things just happened all by themselves. Good thing I was always prepared.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm sure a lot of y'all are wondering what's up with Bella's home life. It will be coming up soon.

Thank you so much,

Phee


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Song: **_All I Want _by Kodaline

* * *

_From caring comes courage._

_-Lao Tzu_

(Edward)

Thinking me being open and honest with Bella would help her do the same to me was one of the stupidest things I've ever thought.

I didn't regret telling her everything because it lifted something heavy off my chest, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't annoy me.

A lot.

I dropped her off at Alice's house that Sunday night, like I said I would, while I'd hoped she'd show me her house.

My curiosity was like a virus, only festering more and more.

A week had gone by and she was still elusive as ever. Being with her was great, easy and fun, but something was missing. Trust, I think it was. She didn't trust me. It was as simple as that. And that made me feel like shit and be pissed all at once.

I decided to take matters into my own hands one evening by following her.

She'd hitched a ride from Alice because I'd made up a lame dentist appointment excuse. Yeah, I lied. So?

I stayed far enough behind where they couldn't see me. Bella leaned in to tell Alice something before walking to her small, run down salmon colored house. Once she was inside and Alice drove away, I half walked, half jogged to the house. I peeked in the window, wondering what someone would do if they saw me. At that moment, two kids passed on their bikes, staring at me. I waved like an idiot and they waved back before pedaling away.

In my neighborhood, kids would've been screaming bloody murder. Random strangers looking in windows was normal around here apparently. I ducked, trying to see what was happening without showing myself.

Bella came into view, dropping her books on the table and hooking her bag on the chair. She looked up and I dropped to the ground as my heart slammed into my throat. I waited for her to start hollering, but I only heard dogs barking and distance sirens.

"Bella," a strangled, feminine voice called.

I heard frantic steps echoing away to the end of the house. I poked my head back up, seeing and hearing nothing. _This is wrong. Go home. Leave right now._ I was just about to turn away when I heard crashing.

I rushed to the front door, finding it locked. Though it hindered me from helping, I was happy to see it that way. I climbed the fence, trying the back door that was locked too. I started looking through windows until I could see through a hole in a bed sheet. Bella was there, helping a women get into bed.

"Where were you?" the woman asked.

Bella petted her hair. "School, mama."

Bella's mother started crying. "They were here. They were watching me."

"Shh, you're okay. I promise."

The woman that looked a lot like Bella, except with curly hair, became very agitated, thrashing about. "No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm _not!_"

Bella hugged her mother to her, accepting the woman's hits. "I'm here. Just relax, let you're medicine kick in."

The woman struggled a bit more, before completely conking out. Bella laid her down gently, sliding the sheet over her and pushing hair out of her face, looking lovingly down at her mother as if she were the child.

I was too transfixed to think about moving when she looked up and spotted me. Her once soft face harden. _Uh-oh._

She pointed at me. "Don't move." She was out of site on minute, then in the back yard the next.

I stood there, sweating like a...well, like a whore in church.

She took me in with eyes that could kill. "What the fuck are you doing?"

I winced. "I had to see..."

"What? How shitty my life is?"

I shook my head, then shrugged. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm an idiot."

"At least you got the last part right."

I frowned. "You wouldn't tell me _anything, _Bella."

"_So fucking what?_" she hollered. "That doesn't give you any right to spy on me."

I looked down. "I know." I looked at her. I saw her anger clearly, but what I saw underneath worried me so much more. I saw how scared she was, how bone raw she was. "Bella, please." I stepped to her, reaching a hand out.

She stepped back. "Go home, Edward."

I halted, dropping my hand. "I'm sorry."

She looked at her house, stared through it actually. She wouldn't say a word to me.

"I'm here if you need me," I said, before leaving.

I walked slowly, hoping she'd run after me.

She didn't.

* * *

I was at Gran's, laying in bed and staring at the clock that read 3:45 am when my phone rang.

I grabbed it, looking at the screen immediately. Alice's name occupied the screen. My spirits dropped considerably. "Hey."

"_Edward._" I sat up, skin crawling from her voice.

"What? What is it?"

"Bella's mother's missing."

"Where's Bella?"

"With me at her house."

"I'm on my way."

* * *

I whispered to my mother that I had to go help someone before leaving. She was clearly frazzled, asking me, _What was wrong? Can I help?_ I shook my head at her, promising to call her.

When I got there, I knocked this time. Alice answered the door in her pajamas with crazy hair.

"She's in the living room."

I went in search of the room, calling her name.

I heard her small voice, "In here."

I followed the sound until I saw her sitting on the couch in a daze. I went to her, holding her without thought. She clung to me, fingers rigid. "She was just here. She never leaves like this. It's my fault."

I pulled her at arms length. "No, it's not."

She wouldn't look at me. I expected her to be crying. Shock was all I could see on her face. "Have you called the police?"

She nodded.

"They're looking for her now," Alice answered.

"Do you want me to drive around and look too?"

Bella blinked at me. "You'd do that?"

"Of course."

She surprised the hell out of me by kissing me. I heard Alice leave the room as Bella pulled me closer. I held off, pushing myself out of her grasp with some difficulty.

She frowned at me.

"You're upset."

"And?"

I tried to hold back a smile, but couldn't. "You're pissed at me, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not. But you're in shock right now, and I wouldn't want to take advantage of that."

She frowned. "Why do you have to be such a good guy?"

I shrugged. "Sorry. I can't help it."

The corner of her mouth jerked up as if it was thinking about smiling, but it wouldn't fully commit. "Can I go with you?"

"Sure."

She called Alice back into the room, telling her what we were doing. "You can go home. Thank you."

Alice shook her head. "I'm going too."

Bella got up and hugged her. "Thanks."

* * *

We drove around until the sun punched at the horizon. At some point, Bella had rolled down the window and started hollering, _Mama _and _Renee _until her voice became hoarse_._

I glanced at Alice in the back seat who mirrored my worry.

Finally, when I'd lost hope, Bella grabbed my arm. "Stop!"

I slammed on the brakes. Bella was out before I could shift the car to park. She ran faster than I'd ever seen anyone before, bare feet slapping against concert.

I went to get out, but Alice grabbed my shoulder. I looked at her questioningly.

"Give them a minute."

"What's wrong with...her?"

"Renee?"

I nodded.

Alice looked down, then to Bella who was whirling her mother around and crushing her to her body. "She has to be the one to tell you."

I knew that would be her answer. I even accepted that Bella needed to be the one to tell me. The only thing was, I wasn't sure if she would.

* * *

**A/N: **There is more than one reason why Bella's so guarded. It will take more chapters to understand why.

P.S. She does tell him what's wrong with her mother. I promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Song: **_One Day _by Kodaline

* * *

_Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them._

_-_Veronica Roth

(Edward)

After helping Bella settle her mother down enough to take her medicine and go back to sleep, we sat in her living room again. I texted my mom, telling her I was staying with my friend. She texted back quickly, "That's fine, dear. I'd like to know more about this friend later."

I sighed inwardly. "Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

Bella looked at me sideways. "Other girlfriend?" she tried to joke, but she was too drained to pull it off.

I pretended to be anxious. "How'd you know?"

"Call it a sixth sense."

I chuckled halfheartedly, rubbing her shoulder. "It was my mom. I told her I was staying with a friend."

Her eyes widened. "You don't have to stay with me."

I just looked at her.

"Okay. Fine. But you get the couch."

I almost thought about arguing that we'd already _slept _together, what was the issue of us actually sleeping together, but let it go since it was almost seven in the morning anyway and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open as it was.

I nodded, following her to her room.

She whirled around at her door. "This is where you stop."

"Bella, come on—"

"Don't. If you come in here with me right now, I'm gonna let you take advantage of me and I really don't feel like dealing with all the shit that's gonna come after."

I stepped back. "What shit?"

She groaned. "The fact that you'll feel bad about taking advantage—and you know you will, so don't even try to deny it." She was right, so I said nothing.

"Okay. I see you're point. But we'll just be laying together."

She closed her eyes as if she was almost in pain. "Just the thought of it, has me wanting to rip your clothes off."

I stiffened as the idea thrilled the shit out of me. I was surprised I was able to stay put with how intensely I wanted her to do what she just said.

She sighed, stepping forward to kiss my cheek. "Plus, there's some things we need to talk about first, something I'm way to tired to do right now."

"Fair enough."

She almost got away before I grabbed her wrist in a knee jerk reaction.

We both froze, staring at each other before slamming together, lips and teeth clashing as we kissed like we hadn't in years and wouldn't for another decade. One minute we were both on the we-shouldn't-do-this bandwagon, the next total reckless fools for each other. We spun into the room, lips still firmly intact, only parting to feel each other's tongues.

The side of the bed hitting our legs and causing us to fall onto the lumpy mattress, took me by surprise, but not enough to take my attention away from the one thing I had a one track mind over. Bella with her smooth skin and desperate caresses. She touched me as if she was searching for something. Comfort, I highly suspected.

Just when our hands grabbed the bottom of the other person's shirt, we sprung apart; huffing and puffing for air that seemed to have been sucked out of the room.

Palming my sweaty forehead, I chanted, _Chill the fuck out!_ over and over to myself as Bella collapsed onto her back heavily.

I mirrored her, eyes tracing the outline of her upturned face.

"I...see..your...point," I panted out.

She snorted, finally facing me. "We're hopelessly attracted to each other. I feel like a damn sex addict around you."

I smirked. "Not the worst thing ever."

She smiled a little, but her eyes were still conflicted. "As much as I want to, I feel like right at this moment, I'd feel more empty then before if I just jumped into bed to chase away my sorrows. Does that make sense?"

"More than you know." I looked up at her ceiling, finally noticing the collage of different dancers covering every inch. It took me a moment to realize that all of the cut out photos made one big picture of a smiling face. One that looked almost exactly like hers. I looked at her with newfound wonder. "Did you make that?" I nodded up.

She looked sheepish for some reason. "Yeah. I started it freshmen year. Just finished it a couple of days ago actually."

I looked back up, taking in the artistic display with the reverence it deserved. I felt, in that moment, as if I were right next to one of our generations visionaries. "It's...I don't even have words for it."

She laughed. "Calm down. It's just some pictures I didn't even take thrown together. It's not a Monet or something."

I frowned at her. "It's good to be humble, but you're taking it overboard. You're seriously talented, Bella."

"Thank you," she mumbled, still seeming unconvinced.

Maybe it was an artist thing to second guess yourself to the point of total devaluation. I wasn't sure since she was the first I'd ever met in person.

Taking her hand, I entwined our fingers together. We stayed like that for I don't know how long. When my eyes started to feel heavy I sat up to leave, but Bella pulled me back down.

I looked at her in question.

She smiled at me, the first real one I'd seen all day. "You've—we've proved we can control ourselves."

"Are you saying..."

She nodded. "Stay with me."

Touching her cheek, I hovered over her face and just looked into her eyes, before brushing my lips over hers, then delving in further to completely cover her lips with mine. She moaned, grabbing the middle of my back to push me closer. I wanted to get closer, so much it hurt, but I stopped myself just when my chest was about to contact with hers.

"Goodnight."

She pouted slightly, but covered it up quickly. I smirked at her before stealing another swift kiss, then laying back down.

We fell asleep, more like plummeted into it, motionless as rocks.

I woke with her small hand still in mine. My legs were tingling from lack of blood flow since they were still hanging over the edge of the bed, but I didn't care. I smiled, squeezing her hand and touching her face.

Her eyes opened slowly. "_Hmmm, _hello."

"Hello."

We went to move closer to each other, but were both hindered by crippling pain.

"_Urgh_, I want to move my legs but I can't."

I nodded, hurting to much to speak.

I started by moving my feet around first, absorbing the throbs and stinging aches until I could finally swing my legs back and forth. When I eventually could, I sat up and took Bella's legs gently. "No matter how slow I go, it's going to hurt. Do you want me to take my time or get it over with?"

"Get it over with," she grounded out through gritted teeth.

I nodded, looking away from her taught face to start moving each of her feet like I had mine. She groaned loudly as she slapped her hands against the mattress.

I stopped.

"Keep going!"

I went about moving her legs, massaging the muscles as I did so. After about five minutes of torture she finally breathed with a fair amount of ease. I let go, looking at her now slack face. "That sucked donkey dick."

I barked a laugh, nodding. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Her light expression darkened as if someone had swiped it away. She sat up. "Renee." Then she was gone.

I walked out into the hall much slower, following her to Renee's room. I stopped underneath the threshold, watching Bella watching her still sleeping mother. Her eyes frantically searched Renee's face as if she was looking for any sort of threat. How it must be for her to always be worrying and fretting over someone like that? I could empathize marginally with her, having to deal with my volatile father, but it wasn't the same. Though neither of our situations were worse or better than the other's, it was different. I had some relief from it when I was able to get away. She though, now that I thought back, never seemed to be able to fully relax.

I'd thought her aloofness was just part of her personality, now I realized how wrong I was. It was a shield. A cover. The real Bella was lost and afraid for not even herself, but someone who should've been doing exactly that for _her. _

"She's fine," I murmured. I'd might as well have shouted with the way she jumped.

She looked at me, seeming to not be aware that I was there.

I extended a hand. "Let's rustle up something to eat."

She came to me finally, taking my hand.

I kissed the inside of her wrist, then towed her to the kitchen.

Pulling a chair out, I guided her to sit. She didn't look as panicked as before, but she wasn't fully herself either. I looked around until I found nearly freezer burnt Eggos. "Toaster?"

She pointed at the lower cabinet. After retrieving a toaster from the Mesozoic era, I heated up two for her and four for me. Once they were done, I found syrup easily with no help. I sat next to her and waited for her to eat to dig into mine.

She looked at the clock, eyes widening. "Damn! I guess this is breakfast for lupper."

I looked at the clock, chuckling. "Guess so."

We ate together in relative relaxing silence. I thought_ relative_ because I could tell that Bella wasn't even close to being relaxed. She wasn't jittery either, just...tense. On edge.

I spoke up after cleaning our plates. "Have you thought about an alarm?"

She looked at me as if I'd just asked her if she'd ever blown a clown. "With what money? House and medical bills suck up what little I make at the grocery store part time and mom's...checks." I knew what checks she was talking about. I believed the technical term was Social Security Disability Insurance.

She wouldn't look at me as she walked past me to her room.

I almost had the door closed in my face but was able to stop it with my hand first. "Bella. I'm not talking ADT or whatever. I mean the things you hear at stores when the doors open."

She didn't look at me this time as if I was the biggest idiot on the planet, but she was just as wary. "How much does that cost?"

"You don't have to worry about it."

"Yes. I. Do." She bit off each word as if they were bitter and chewy.

I held up my hands. "Fine. Okay. I'm sure they're not that expensive. I don't understand why you won't let me help you."

"Of course you don't," she muttered mostly to herself as she started changing right in front of me.

If I wasn't so aggravated, I'd be fully aroused instead of at half-mast.

I should've looked away. It would've been the right thing to do at the moment. I wasn't _that _good of a guy though.

"We can go to the store now if you want," I hedged, waiting for her to shut me down.

She looked at me over her shoulder after strapping on her blue plaid bra that I just wanted to take off of her. "Okay. I have a little extra money.

"I shook my head then smiled. "Cool. Great." I looked out the door. "Should we take your mom?"

A small amount of horror bled into her eyes. "_No."_

"Okay." I said that one word slowly, lowering my voice as if she was a wild cat skittish of any loud sound or sudden movement. "Will she be okay alone."

Bella nodded. "My older neighbor keeps an eye on her when I'm gone. All I have to do is call her and let her know where I'm going and when I'll be back."

"That's nice of her."

She pulled on a gray Pink Floyd shirt and shredded black shorts that went over her navel, tucking the shirt into the band of the shorts. "She's okay. Kind of bitchy actually. She used to be really nice before her husband left her for a transexual. She wouldn't help if I didn't pay her twenty five dollars a week, pay for her cigarettes and give her half of mama's food stamps groceries." She shrugged after slipping into her signature Converse. "She takes good care of Renee though, so I can't complain."

I went to her, sitting beside her. I hesitated for a second before touching her bare knee.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against my shoulder.

I kissed the top of her head, leaving my face there to smell her hair that magically seemed to always smell fucking awesome.

The reality of how much I couldn't even begin to relate to her daily struggles overwhelmed me, but I still wanted to help. As hard as it was going to be to get Bella to allow me to wasn't going to stop me from trying either.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm so sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. With our recent vacation and a slight amount of writer's block when it comes to where I want to take these amazing characters, I haven't been able to give this story the love it deserves. I promise to try harder.

Thanks for reading,

Phee


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Song: **_Youth _by Daughter

* * *

_I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up...and handle it._

_-_Tupac Shakur

(Edward)

After finding an alarm for her door just under forty dollars we went grab a burger from Newton's. Mike was behind the counter, flirting with a freshman. I shook my head as we walked to him.

He smiled once he saw us. "Yo, pussy. What's up?"

"Hey, Mike," I greeted back.

Bella simply said, "Hi."

Mike glanced at the girl with too much makeup on. "So, I'll holler at you later."

I knew he wasn't going to. He probably thought he would while the poor girl definitely thought he was. I knew better though. He probably wouldn't remember her name in ten minutes. He was an okay guy, just really...forgetful. I blamed it on the drugs, but it could've been part of his personality. He wasn't as bad as Emmett. Em would remember the girl until he banged her. Then he'd drop her like a bad habit, maybe only returning if he couldn't find anyone else. He tried to stick to his no more than twice rule, but sometimes failed at that too. The girl had to be really something for that to happen though. Honestly, I was surprised he didn't have an STD or knocked someone up yet. Either from luck or he was smart enough to wrap up. Probably a combo of the two. At least, I hoped so.

She smiled coyly before squeezing past me and Bella.

We stepped up together, Mike took us both in with the stupidest grin on his face. "So you two getting married yet?"

Bella rolled her eyes while I just stared at him.

He threw up his hands. "Geez, I was just kidding. No reason to get all fucking touchy."

"Mike!" I heard his mom's voice come from the back. "Language."

"Sorry," he muttered, looking down with cheeks tinged with pink. Mike was never one who could hide his feelings. He got a lot of shit for it too. Not from me, but Jazz and Em loved to pile on the jabs.

Bella smiled at him being chastised. "You're cuter when you're embarrassed."

We both looked at her with wide eyes. I forgot for a spilt second how flirtatious she was. But there was no attraction on her face for my friend, just harmless observation, so I forced myself to let go of the jealousy. It was just a quirk of hers I was going to have to get use to. For the time being at least.

"Uh...thanks. What can I get you guys?"

We ordered then went find our seats after I tipped him. He used to always try to give me the money back, but I refused to take it. He finally gave up a year ago, but never looked happy about taking my money. I respected him though. I'd never dream of condoning drug abuse, but he managed to keep his shit together while doing it and I couldn't help but be impressed. Now, don't get me wrong, I've tried to talk him into letting go of the pills and coke. He even stopped for a month, but fell back in almost harder than before. Now I just kept an eye on him when I could. This is going to sound bad, but he wasn't on anything like meth or crack yet. When that happened, I'd have to take some serious measures, like telling his parents. Something I was sure I should do know. Call me stupid or whatever you want, but I couldn't snitch on my friend. I just couldn't.

It wasn't that I was worried about him being pissed and possibly never speaking to me again, which I knew was a high possibility. He just truthfully wasn't that bad off. I mean, he was on something just then and no one but me could tell. At least I thought so...Yeah, I was a coward. I'll admit it. This felt like something I needed to talk to someone about. Bella seemed like a terrific candidate. But she already had some much on her plate, I didn't want to pile more on.

"What's wrong?" she asked once we were on the outside porch all alone, no one else wanted to chance the heat. It was hot, but the shade and fans helped a little.

I drank from my lemonade while she squirted ketchup in pretty little designs on her empty fry holder.

I shrugged, putting the cup down. "I'm...debating with myself."

"About what?" she asked after swallowing some chewed up cheeseburger.

"Mike."

She nodded. "You feel guilty for not telling his parents about the drugs."

I blinked at her. "How'd you know?"

"Everyone knows what a drug head he is and it's easy enough to see the guilt all over your face. You might as well have a neon sign strapped to the side of your face, it was that obvious."

_Crap._ "Do you think Mike noticed?" I whispered for some dumbass reason.

She shrugged after ruining her art by scooping up the red paste with a crisp fry. "Maybe. But probably not. Newton's kind of...oblivious."

I nodded, since that was true. I shook my head. "What do you think I should do?"

She ate three fries, looking as if she was thinking over her response. After washing down her food with cola she looked at me with serious eyes. "This is going to sound cliche, but you need to do what you feel is right."

"I never thought about telling them before. Does that make me a bad person?"

She shook her head instantly. "No. Mike's very good at pretending everything's okay."

"What does that mean?"

"You really can't tell?" She tilted her head at me, looking slightly disappointed.

I frowned, feeling like an idiot and hating it. "No."

She covered up her expression, looking more understanding. "That's because you always see the best in people. There's nothing wrong with that."

"When I don't see my friend getting worse, then yes, there is something wrong with it."

She sighed, coming to me and sitting on my lap.

The contact had me disoriented for a moment, something I knew she did on purpose. Taking my hands she brought them to her sides. I squeezed my fingers a little against her shirt, feeling her skin give underneath the pressure. Her eyes fluttered shut as desire coated her entire face.

After a while she finally opened her eyes, our half eaten food getting cold completely forgotten as we gazed at each other as if we could sustain ourselves that way. "If you don't want to ruin your friendship with him, I'll tell his parents."

_My God_, she was amazing. More than I could even say. The fact that she'd take a figurative bullet for me almost had me to my knees. But as easy as her offer would make things for me, I couldn't let her.

I shook my head, kissing her softly and getting a little out of hand before pulling away and leaning my forehead against hers.

She hummed a little, caressing the sides of my face with the back of her fingers. "Why not?"

I looked into her eyes so close to mine. "Because he's my friend and it's my place to tell them. I couldn't let you do it. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I did."

She pulled back to see my whole face, eyes taking in every feature. "Huh, I didn't think guys your age could be noble anymore." Something about her expression showed that that statement wasn't just about me being noble, but someone else hurting her. I only knew of one of her boyfriends, James. But that was almost two years ago. He must of really did a number on her for her to still be so affected. I wondered if that was part of the reason she was so closed off most of the time and planned to find out. Later.

"Thank you...I guess," the uncertainty in my voice had her whole facial expression change. One second her features were dark then next void of shadows.

"It's a compliment." She waved a hand in front of her face, breathing out slowly. "Sorry, just got lost in the past."

"Care to share it with me. Your past, I mean."

That was the last thing she wanted to do, but she forced herself to nod. "Not right now though."

I rubbed her sides. "I know."

She pulled my face to hers, kissing me until I couldn't remember my own name.

She pulled away too soon, rubbing the bottom of my lip with her thumb. "What are you going to do?"

I sighed, leaning my face against her shoulder while she petted my hair. "I'm going to tell them."

"When?"

I shrugged. "When I grow the balls to."

She was so quiet for the longest time, I had to look up. She was looking inside the building, worried eyes trained on Mike. "Don't let it take too long."

What was she seeing or what did she know that I didn't? "You never answered my question."

She looked at me with a confused expression until realization hit.

"I know what someone looks like when they're going down a path they can never return from." She was sharing yet another tiny piece of herself with me and I couldn't help but be excited about it.

"How?"

She looked out at the street, eyes seeing something else besides cars and people passing.

"My father."

"Was he—"

"A drug addict? Yes." As much as she tried to fight against them, tears shimmered in her eyes then spilled out shortly after.

I stayed silent, gathering her closer as she continued against my neck.

"He started off like Mike from what I remember, then he fell into the really bad shit and became totally unrecognizable to me. I literally passed him on the street one day last year and didn't know it was him until he ran to me, calling my name. He hugged me and asked me if I had any money for my old fart of a father. I walked away and never saw him again. He died a week later." She was crying fully now, whole body shaking.

I scooped her up and walked into Mrs. Newton's tucked away flower garden to give her privacy. She cried and cried as if this was the first time she'd allowed herself to do so.

"I remembered when I was little how fun he was. When Renee was at her worst, he'd take me to the park, playing with me as if he was a child himself. Afterward he'd let me get whatever ice cream I wanted, then take me to the dollar store to pack up on candy. I loved him so much. I should've never walked away from him." She hiccuped, starting to lose her breath. "I should've helped him."

I held her as close as I could, rubbing her back and murmuring, "Don't blame yourself. You hold so much responsibility over yourself, you're father's death wasn't your fault."

She nodded against my shirt before jerking up and grabbing a hold of the fabric. "You have to help Mike before it's too late."

"I will. Right now. I promise."

She took a moment to stop crying before standing up and holding out a hand to me. "I'm going with you."

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. I failed my father, this well be a small redemption for me to be there to support you."

I went to say she didn't fail anyone, but she held up a finger. "Save it. I know what you're going to say and I'll never believe it, just please let me be there for you."

I swallowed my words and nodded then kissed her, before walking into the back of the restaurant with Bella's hand securely in mine.

* * *

**A/N: **Short chapter, but serious. I hope it's not upsetting for anyone.

Thank you,

Phee


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Song: **_Lofticries _by Purity Ring

**A/N: **I'm seriously feeling the shit out of the chapter song right now. The lyrics are like nothing I've ever seen before. I'm not sure if they are talking about people having sex or deep wounds. It's fucking awesome.

Also, I hope y'all like this chapter. They also will talk about Edward spying on her, there's just some much happening that it has to be postponed.

Later,

Phee

* * *

_If you have to do it, then you're doing the right thing. _

-Kathy Valentine

(Edward)

I cleared my throat, causing Mrs. Newton to jump and almost scatter all her paper work tucked neatly on her desk top.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, feeling stupid beyond measure and nervous as hell.

Bella's hand in mine was the only thing helping me keep my shit somewhat together.

Mrs. Newton spun around on the chair. She was close to the same age as my mom, but you couldn't tell because while my mother was taller with chestnut hair, Mrs. Newton was short with fully silver hair. It was a genetic thing. Mike was likely to have the same fate. His older brother grayed out at twenty six. I remembered Mike vowing that he'd shave his head shinny bald first and Em busting out laughing, making fun of his big ass head looking even worse with no hair on it.

It took Bella squeezing my hand for me to come to with Mrs. Newton looking at me as if I might face plant the ground or something.

"Are you okay, dear?"

I nodded, too much, too fast. "Yes...ma'am."

She tilted her head at me, looking at Bella as if she might know why I was acting so loony.

Bella rubbed my shoulder murmuring into the back of my neck, "I'm here. It's okay."

I cleared my throat again, squaring my shoulders with new found bravery. Something that didn't come from inside of me at all, but from the beautiful girl right behind me.

"I need to talk to you, Mrs. Newton."

"Call me Pam and you can always come to me Edward, you know that."

I nodded, knowing that, but also knowing that this would shatter her world completely. I had a moment to resent the fact that I had to be the one to do the damage, but it needed to be done. "Pam. It's about Mike."

She bolted out of the chair immediately, heading straight for the front. Bella blocked her just in time. Pam tried to push, but for someone so small, Bella showed a surprising amount of strength. "What about him? Is he hurt? Why won't you let me go to him?" Her voice was getting louder and louder by the second.

"_Shh_, calm down." Bella said while guiding—borderline pushing—her away from the door to close it. "You should sit back down."

Pam eyed us warily, hands shaking uncontrollably as she plopped back down. "You're both scaring me."

I looked down, sighing. "I know, and I'm sorry. I just didn't know how else to tell you but Mike's..." I looked into her eyes, wishing I was telling her he was taking a trip or ran away or better yet won a thousand dollars. I'd rather tell her almost anything besides _this_. "He's using drugs."

_"Drugs?_" Her voice was the worse thing I'd ever heard. Such devastation and disbelief all jammed together in one sob. "My Mikey?" She clutched her hands above her heart, bending over with a cry of pain.

I rushed forward, seriously worried she was having a heart attack. Bella knelt down next to her with me, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry," I must of repeated that twenty times, before Bella shut me up with a look.

"Let her process," she'd chided me softly.

Just when Pam was getting herself together, Mike's father stepped in. "What's wrong?" He dropped the plastic baggies in his hand and rushed to his wife, pushing us out the way.

"Pamela. Tell me what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen?"

"Reggie, stop," Pam pleaded while grabbing hold of him.

That's silenced him completely, but his anxiety was vibrating off of him in waves.

She looked to me then Bella then back to her husband. "Our son's in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" He went to get up, but she pulled him back down.

She went to answer, but she started crying harder than before.

Mr. Newton sharp eyes snapped to mine.

I stepped back a little, but answer his unasked question. "He's on drugs."

"What kind?" His eyes narrowed at me, looking at me as if I were a nat.

"Pain killers and coke."

He growled through his teeth, suddenly right in my face. "Did you have anything to do with this? Preacher's son, _pfff, _my ass. The ones you least expect are the worst."

"_Reginald!" _Pam came to finally, snapping to defend me. "That's enough. Why would Edward be the one to come and tell me if he made Mike start in the first place?"

"Out of guilt." He wouldn't move away by even an inch.

"I promise I'm not using, you can test me now."

"With what?" He spat in my face, literally.

I forced myself not to wipe away his salvia from my cheek.

Bella stepped in then, "Back off! No one forced Mike to do anything. After his bad fracture last year is when he started. Leave. Edward. Alone."

Reggie looked at Bella as if she might blow up at any second. It was slightly emasculating to have her fight this particular battle for me, but I couldn't help but be amazed by how fierce she was.

He stared Bella down for a second, while she mirrored him. Finally, he looked away first, muttering, "Sorry."

I shook my head.

"Why did you wait so long to tell us?" He was quick to throw at me in an accusing way. He wanted someone to be at fault, someone who wasn't his son or him. I was obviously the perfect target. I didn't mind. His point was valid. I had waited too long.

"Does that really matter?" Bella shot back.

I tried to send her, _Back off, _with my eyes but she was too busy glaring at Mike's father.

He looked down. "I guess not."

Pam looked up, eyes bloodshot red. "What are we going to do?"

At that exact moment, Mike walked in, freezing as he took everyone in. "What's going on?"

"Come in, son, and close the door," Reggie said in a monotone.

Mike looked at me with panicked eyes. Still looking to me for solace. I knew in a moment, he'd be looking at me with hatred for betraying him. There was a large part of myself that wanted to take everything back. Say I was lying or that it was a joke, but I knew I couldn't. I'd have to suck it up and accept that my friend was going to hate me, possibly for the rest of his life. The worse part was, I couldn't blame him. I was going against all guy codes at the moment by snitching. I knew I wasn't in jail or gang or whatever, but when it came to bros, you just didn't snitch. Ever.

Come to think of it, Em and Jazz were probably going to hate me too. Bella's eye caught my attention in the split second that I'd lost track of what was happening. It seemed like she was reading all my emotions while her eyes took on an understanding look, projecting nothing but support.

"We know everything, Mike," Reggie saying took my attention back to all the shit that was about to go down.

"What are you talking about?" Mike asked, truly confused.

_Ah, fuck. _I should've talked to him first before running to his parents.

"We know you're on drugs!" Reggie hollered, causing the women to jump and me to grimace.

Mike eyes snapped to me, no longer confused or worried but boiling with loathing. "You motherfucker."

"Don't you go blaming Edward," Pam was quick to step in then, sounding much stronger and sure. "He's a good friend, Michael."

He forced himself to look at his mother and say, "Yes, ma'am." But I knew he was lying. This was my fault in his mind. Something I wasn't entirely sure was true or not.

Reggie looked at me and Bella then. "You can leave."

We nodded, walking to the door.

"Thank you," Pam called out to us while Mike glared at me over his shoulder, mouthing, _Fuck you, _before Bella closed the door rougher than she needed to.

She waited until we were outside to scream in frustration. "_Oooohhh_, I have half the mind to go back in there and fuck those two bastards shit up." I knew she was talking about Mike and his father since Pam had done nothing wrong at all.

"Bella, calm down." I grabbed her shoulders. "They're having a huge family crisis at the moment, give them some slack."

Her mouth fell open. "How can you even say that? They treated you like shit when all you were trying to do was help."

"That's just how Reggie is—plus, he was shocked and scared. I get why Mike acted like he did too."

"_How?_" There was nothing but confused aggravation on her face now.

"Because I betrayed his trust."

"That's such bullshi—"

"_No_, it's not. I get that it needed to be done, but I can't help feeling like I did him dirty."

"Edward." She stepped to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing me close. "He'll come around and understand someday."

I burrowed my face into the curve of her neck, hearing nothing but her pulse. I said nothing, because I highly doubted that was ever going to happen. I forced myself to nod to placate her though.

She coaxed me to walk with her for an hour. It helped a little, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't be okay with myself for a while. I couldn't help but replay everything in my head over and over again. Thinking about how I could've handle everything differently.

When we were at Bella's house, still in the parked car, she took my hand after I turned the engine off and looked deeply into my eyes. "You're still regretting it." It wasn't even a question.

I shook my head, then nodded, then shook my head again before groaning. "I don't know...I just wish I'd done something different."

"Like what?" she asked softly.

I shrugged. "Talked to him first."

"Have you ever done that before?"

I nodded.

"How did it work out?"

I took a while to answer. "Not so great."

She nodded, tugging me closer. "You did the right thing."

I looked down at her knees, randomly realizing how much I loved the shape of her legs. I traced a finger around her thighs, causing her to suck in air. "I know you didn't won't to let me take advantage of you, and I totally get that...but will you take advantage of me?" I couldn't help my voice cracking at the end.

Desire pierced through her dark irises before she nodded. Before I could even think, my mouth was devouring hers. The most cock stiffening sounds left her throat as she pressed her tits against my chest. I wanted to rip her shirt completely off, but barely restrained myself.

I pulled away, panting as she looked at me in bewilderment. "I thought you wanted—"

"I'd rather have you in your bed." Both of our eyes widen, mine because I was shocked something like that came out of my mouth while she was completely aroused.

She nodded, before her eyes widen again. "Stay in here for a second, I almost forgot about Ms. Cotten." She hopped out the car, bolting to unlock her door.

I chuckled halfheartedly, because it was funny to she her running like the hounds of hell were at her heels, but I couldn't get fully into it. I felt away from my body, the only time I felt like myself was when I was touching Bella.

It didn't take long for Bella to be escorting her older neighbor out. Ms. Cotten squinted at my car, trying to get closer before Bella stirred her kind of roughly toward her house. She waited until the women was soundly in her house before waving me over. I was to her in seconds, kissing her and walking her into the house.

Our backs took turns hitting the wall down the hall to her room as we ate at each other's mouth after she locked the front door. "You're mom?" I murmured against her lips right at the entrance to her room.

"Sleeping."

With that I lifted her up and carried her to the bed, closing the door with a toe.

She gasped and laughed at the same time, licking up my neck and sucking my ear lobe into her mouth. I felt teeth dig into the skin just enough and nearly blew my load.

"Wait."

I froze even though I didn't want to.

She shimmied down my body, hand "accidentally" rubbing my dick on the way down.

After pulling off my shirt, she pushed me onto the bed. I went down all kinds of willing, waiting for her to follow, but she stayed standing. She smirked, teeth catching the side of her mouth in the sexiest way as she pulled her hair up in a high ponytail. This was the only time I ever saw her hair up, now that I thought about it with what little brain cells I had left. I liked it. A lot. I got to see her bare neck and shoulders. I was able to touch and kiss those places with no interference. Getting her hair out the way was something I was sure she did on purpose.

I went to grab her but she stepped back, shaking her finger at me and smiling as if she knew the world's best joke that no one else did.

I almost stood before her shirt was gone.

My ass stayed glued to the mattress as she reached around her back to unclasp her bra I wanted to take off this morning that felt like a year ago. Her breast dropped only a little, nipples out and and proud as she threw the bra aside. _Fucking shit, _she was something. Starting at the bottom of her breast, her hands traveled down to the top of her shorts. I watched her unlatch the button and unzip the zipper in a singleminded way.

Toeing off her converse, she slid her shorts down her legs then kicked them aside. My eyes traveled up her bare feet, over her legs, then her barely there blue g-strings stretching across her hips. My eyes stopped once I realized where her hand was. Right over the tiny piece of fabric between her legs.

I swallowed roughly as my dick wiggled in excitement.

Closing her fingers in a fist except for the pointer and middle, she started rubbing up and down the material. Her eyes flutter shut as her mouth opened a little. I took in everything she was showing me. Giving me. I'd never seen a girl masturbate in person before. It was by far the most erotic thing I'd ever saw.

She stopped too soon, looking at me with lust filled eyes.

"Take off your boxers."

They were gone before she could finish the command.

She started to laugh, but it died in her throat once she looked down. "Touch yourself," the whisper was so soft, I barely heard it.

Licking my hand, I cupped a hand around myself. I could almost feel it resisting my touch, wanting hers instead. Her eyes skittered from my face then back down over and over again while I gripped myself harder, sliding up and down.

Her panties had gone missing at some point. I was too occupied by her hot eyes all over my body as I did something that was both slightly embarrassing and hot as fuck to notice anything else.

She started to step to me, before stopping.

I almost whined.

Walking to her side table draw, she pulled out a box of condoms. She dug in the box and tossed me a foil pack. I fumbled to catch the thing since my hand was wet.

She laughed. "Sorry."

I shook my head as I ripped the foil and held it like an idiot. If this was my room, I'd just throw it aside to pick up later.

"Here. Give it to me." I handed it over, just for her to move her hand away for it to fall to the ground.

I laughed until she took the condom from me to knelt between my legs.

"I've seen this on the internet and always wanted to try it. Don't laugh if I fuck up."

I nodded, wondering what she was going to do.

My eyes widen when she put the thing in her mouth, then lowered her head.

I gripped her ponytail, once I felt the plastic slid down along with her mouth. She went down as much as she could, which was an impressive distance. After bobbing up and down a few mind zinging times, she looked up at me with a wide smile.

Her smile faded once she saw my face. I must of not have been hiding my need at all. I didn't feel like myself at all. It wasn't the worse feeling ever though.

She gasped when I grabbed her and rolled her on her back, sandwiching her between me and mattress.

She guided me right where I need to be. I usually liked to take things slow, but not then. I thrusted harder than usually. I was almost worried about hurting her until I heard her moaning loudly and grabbing at my ass to push me closer.

I unhinged completely then, just letting go to my bodies needs with someone who was ten times better than I'd ever imagined.

I slowed down only so I could kiss her, but lost rhythm completely at some point.

I pulled out, breathing deeply against her neck.

"You're close?" She kissed my shoulder, rubbing my back.

I nodded, kissing her, which was something that wasn't helping me keep my orgasm at bay at all since she'd rubbed her clit up and down the head of my dick every time.

I pulled away, sliding my finger inside the warmest, wettest part of her body. She moaned my name as she bucked. I rubbed her clit with the pad of my thumb, something that made her move even more.

I took her by surprise when I took my finger away and thrust back inside her.

Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as she clawed at my back. I thought I had my shit together, but obviously I didn't since I was coming fucking hard as hell right then.

Lifting her butt up and latching her legs around my waist she rocked me through the aftershocks until she stiffened and cried out.

Gripping her butt, I pulled her up and down even though we'd both just came.

"More?" she asked slyly.

"Always."

I pulled out though, causing her to pout.

I kissed her, chuckling. "I need a new condom."

"Oh! On it." A condom materialized right before my eyes.

I laughed again, grateful that I had the balls to finally really talk to her at the party.

She tilted her head at my obvious mood shift. "What?"

I shook my head, taking the condom and kissing her again. "Just happy to be with you."

Her face softened. "Me too."

I lasted longer the second time and actually went for thirty minutes the next.

"Look at you, it's like your training for the Olympics," Bella joked on the fourth and last time, which was the longest of them all.

"I try."

"You succeed."

We smiled at each other. Something hit me then. I had feelings for her. More than just sexual and friendly or even deep like. This feeling was something I was sure was too soon for me to feel. That's exactly why I kept it to myself.

I was worried she'd notice something was up until I noticed she was fighting her eyelids to stay open.

"Go to sleep."

She yawned cutely. "No. We still have round five."

I laughed. "We can try for an all nighter another time."

"Okay," she mumbled, then she was out like a light.

After getting rid of all the used condoms and open wrappers, I cleaned myself off with my boxers then snuggled her against my chest. Covering us up, I slept soundly all night. Something I haven't been able to do in years.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Song: **_Dirty Paws _by Of Monsters and Men

* * *

_You want to remember while you're judging the book, the book is also judging you. _

-Stephen King

(Edward)

A few weeks came and went and I was right about Em, but not Jazz. Emmett wouldn't even look at me, while Jasper told me he was glad he didn't have to do it.

"He was getting bad, bro," he'd said with a shrug, leaving the conversation at that.

Emmett hated me being at Jasper's parties, but not enough not to show up.

Mike wasn't in school because his parents forced him to go to rehab. It was very likely that he wouldn't graduate this year, unless he was allowed to keep up his work while detoxing. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like to go through that, but I doubted he'd be able to think straight let alone do school work.

I tried to forget about how fucked up my friend's life was, partly because of me, with no success at all. Bella attempted to cheer me up, but it didn't work. Not _that _much at least. I had times, right before I woke up all the way mostly, when I didn't remember that Mike and Emmett hated me. Reality crashed the party fast as hell though, making me want to go back to sleep every time.

Esme kept pestering me about my new friend, Gran joining in being just the cherry on top of these last crappy weeks.

After three days of, "Is she nice?" "Are you having sex?" "Are you being safe?" "When can we meet her?" and my favorite, "Is she a she?" I caved.

Bella was a bundle of rattled nerves at my Granny's door. I touched her shoulder, kissing her temple for reassurance. "It'll be fine. They're going to love you."

She nodded, not looking sure at all before we walked in.

"Gran. Mom," I called, being greeted by the other two excited women in my life.

Esme showed first, clapping her hands together when her eyes feel on Bella. Gran was next and didn't look nearly as happy as my mother. Her eyes zeroed in on Bella's nose ring and battered, vintage clothes. It was as if my grandma could sense that nothing about Bella was new.

Thankfully, Esme was a good buffer, taking Bella and hugging the shit out of her.

She pulled away, keeping my girl at arm's length. "I'm _so _happy you're here. Edward's been keeping you all to himself. He was always like that with his favorite things."

I couldn't help the blush when Bella looked at me from the corner of her eyes with a private smile.

Coffee and cut fruit was waiting for us in the kitchen. Bella looked slightly uncomfortable, taking in the pristine kitchen so unlike hers. I liked her kitchen better. It looked...lived in. Like her whole house while Gran's felt stuffy. I never felt like I could be myself in Gran's house now that I thought about it—_or _my own. Bella's house was the only place I could really be myself.

Even though she was nervous, Bella was magnificent. She was even able to charm my Gran. She'd opted to wear jeans instead of shorts to keep her tattoos hidden. I told her that it wasn't necessary, but she wouldn't budge so I let it go. Now, seeing how Gran reacted to her with her legs covered, I was happy that Bella won the argument. To be fair, she won most of them, without me realizing it too. I didn't care. I'd rather be happy than right any day.

When the visit was winding down was when it took a nasty, unexpected turn thanks to my dear old grandma.

She looked at Bella, eyes hard and unyielding. "So, what are you're plans for the future?"

Bella looked at me with wide, _oh shit _eyes. Our conversation had been light up to this point, like any first meet and greet should be.

Esme looked at her mother with a small amount of horror, but said nothing in Bella's defense. That pissed me the hell off.

I looked at my phone clock. "Well, we need to go—"

Gran held up a finger at me like she had so many times before when she wanted me to shut up. "Why the sudden rush? It's just a simple question."

_Yeah fucking right. And I was Buddy fucking Holly. _I looked at Bella, touching her knee.

She smiled with teeth, but I could tell she wasn't feeling at ease even a little bit. She knew where this question was leading and didn't look pleased at all to answer it.

She looked my granny right in the face and said, "I don't know."

Gran acted as if she said killing baby seals, while Esme looked sick to her stomach while she stared at her mother without saying a word. I never realized exactly how spineless my mother was until then.

I stood up, guiding Bella to do the same. "We have to go. Love you."

"Wait," Gran said as I was going to hug and kiss them both goodbye.

I groaned inwardly. _Fuck, this was going to get bad fast. _

She looked at Bella, sizing her up again and still not looking satisfied before looking at me. "You don't honestly think this..._relationship_ will go anywhere, do you?"

Bella was shaking now, eyes looking remote as ever.

"That's enough," I ground through my teeth, sounding more like my father than I cared to admit as anger soared through my entire blood stream.

"No, you need to listen," Gran stood, looking as if she was preaching about the danger of STDs. "You two have no future together. You're so...so...different."

"He's better than me you mean?" Bella asked, taking us all by surprise.

"Exactly," Gran said without thinking before slapping a hand over her mouth with now panicked eyes.

Bella nodded, leaving immediately.

I called after her to stop, rushing to her.

She spun around suddenly, almost making me plow into her. "I'll be waiting in your car. You_ need_ to listen to her." Something about her look was off. I saw resolve. It was the scariest shit ever.

I marched to the kitchen, looking at my granny in disgust.

"Don't look at me like that?"

"Like what? Like you looked at Bella since she got here? You can dish it but can't take it, Gran?"

"Edward," Esme started to reprimand me.

"_Oh, _now you butt in. Great, you have the balls to tell me something, but not the people you should. Super. Fucking awesome. You should get an award for worst timing ever, mother."

"Now listen," Gran cut in.

"_No, _you listen. I don't give a shit what you think. You act like you're something special when you weren't any better than Bella. You forget that Pop told me the truth before he died about you being poor and trapping him in marriage by getting pregnant with mom."

Gran paled as her eyes glistened. I would've felt bad for saying that if I wasn't so mad. "I'm just looking out for your best interest."

"That's such horseshit!"

Esme opened her mouth to rebuff me again, but I went on before she could say a word.

"If you really fucking cared about me, you would've been around more instead of staying away out of spite. So yeah, you can lie to someone else."

I walked away, packing as much of my shit as I could before leaving. I forced myself to ignore my mother's loud crying as I walked out the front door.

Bella took in my bag with wide eyes. "What happened?"

"I moved out."

She went to say something, but I kissed her before she could.

I looked into her eyes. "I'll see if I can crash with Jazz, and nothing you say will get me to live with that hypocrite again."

She nodded, still looking upset but not arguing with me. I was still too pissed to care that I'd won an argument for the first time.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Hey, Everyone. The amount of love for this story is amazing to me. Thank you all so much.

To answer the question of Carlisle. He will be back in the story, there is just so much to cover right now. I promise though in the next chapter or two he will be back. I'm not all that sure that anything that happens will make anyone happy. I just wanted this story to be as real as possible instead of fantastical like most of my other stories.

**Chapter Song: **_You & Me _by Disclosure feat. Eliza Doolittle (Flume Remix)

* * *

_Human beings, we have dark sides; we have dark issues in our lives. To progress anywhere in life, you have to face your demons. _

-John Noble

(Edward)

Bella sat on the hood of my car, waiting while I knocked on Jazz's door.

This wasn't Bella's favorite place to be and she didn't even try to hide it. She only came for me and Alice's sake. She pulled up her lips when she saw me staring at her. Her eyes were still disconnected though. As soon as I figured out where I was going to lay my ass down tonight—I knew Bella wouldn't be completely comfortable with me moving in with her, that's the only reason why I was here in the first place—we had to talk.

One of the house maids, Sarah, answered. She was a nice person in her mid twenties. She was too nervous to look people in the eye. I wondered why that was since I met her last summer and even asked Jasper why. He shrugged, not looking like he cared one way or another. That's how he was though. If it didn't directly affect him, he didn't have time for it.

I smiled at Sarah. "Hey, is Jasper home?"

She nodded, calling, "Mister Whitlock, Mister Cullen's here." I thought her calling us mister with her being older was weird, but Jazz's parents insisted all the hired help did, so I said nothing about it.

Jasper came a couple of minutes later, taking his sweet ass time as usual. He smiled lazily at me as a girl who wasn't Alice walked down the stairs to sneak out the back in a half dressed state with her hair all fucked up. I stared him down, so fed up with everyone being such jackasses lately.

He cocked his brow at me. "What? You gonna tattle on me too?"

I groaned. "You should just leave Alice alone, fuck face, if you're going to fuck everything that walks."

"Why don't you mind you're own business for once?" He said it like he was telling me to use milk instead of orange juice in my cereal.

"I hope you wrap up," I grumbled, glancing back at Bella with a stab of guilt. I wasn't going to say anything, because honestly I'd lost enough friends. Call me selfish, but I couldn't help the way I felt.

"I'm not stupid, Cullen."

"Could've fooled me."

"Are you here for any other reason besides riding my ass?"

I looked down, scratching the back of my neck. "Yeah, I need somewhere to crash."

His eyes widen. "Seriously? Again?"

I nodded, more than annoyed that I had to do this.

He patted my shoulder. "Dude, you're always welcomed here."

I looked at him finally. "Thanks."

"No problem." He looked over my shoulder, seeing Bella for the first time and smiling in a way that made me curl my fists at my sides. "Hey, Izzy!"

She looked at him, frowning before flicking him the bird.

He laughed. "She loves me, I just know it."

"Yeah, sure."

He looked at me. "You two getting serious?"

I shrugged, nodding.

"Good for you." He didn't sound happy for me at all though, jealous even. Again, I regretted fucking shit up so bad between me and Mike. If I hadn't, I'd be at his house instead of someone's I wasn't even sure why I was still friends with.

* * *

I had to manhandle Jasper out the room he showed us to. Thank God, I was stronger than him because if he could have his way, he'd stay in the room. I honestly didn't know why I put up with his shit.

Bella voiced almost the same exact thing I was thinking when he was gone. "Why do you deal with his stupid ass?"

I shrugged, plopping down on the four poster bed and pulling at my hair.

She sat down next to me, compassion taking over as she untangled my fingers from my hair. Entwining our hands together, she laid them gently on her lap as she gazed into my eyes. Her eyes weren't as detached anymore. Even though it gave me hope, it still gave me the chills to think about how much shit she'd been through and what could possibly be going through her head. Nothing good I was sure. "You feel lost?"

My eyes widen. "How'd you know?"

"Like knows like," she said this profound sentence like it was the simplest thing.

I kissed her, pulling away before I forgot that we needed to talk. "Bella."

"Edward, don't."

"What?"

She just looked at me.

"We need to talk."

"Why?"

I frowned. "Because we just do."

She sighed, laying back roughly. "Fine. Go ahead."

I laid down slowly next to her, looking into her eyes and wishing that I knew what she was thinking. "Why did you tell me I _needed_ to listen to what my Granny Beth had to say?"

Laying a hand on my cheek, she rubbed my top lip with a thumb. The sensations from her touch were taking my focus off of the conversation completely. I knew she was doing it on purpose, but I_ so_ didn't want to stop her. "Because her point wasn't completely invalid."

That upset me a fuck ton. "Yes, it was. _You're_ better than me if anything."

"Edward—"

"Stop Edwarding me. I'm serious."

"I know you are," she said softly, dropping her hand. There was something she wasn't telling me. Something that was bothering the snout out of her. This something I betted was what was putting that look in her eye I hated so much.

"What aren't you telling me?"

She looked over my head, eyes distance before she looked back into mine. "You do know my mama's condition is genetic right?"

Her statement was like a knock to the head. I gathered her closer. "What does that have to do with who's better than who?"

She leaned her head against my shoulder. "Everything."

I pulled her at arm's length to see her whole face. "How long has this been worrying you?"

"Since I was twelve and finally realized what was wrong with her."

She snuggled closer to me, I rubbed my hand up and down her back. Again, she had more demons than I could even imagine. How she functioned day to day was a miracle.

I kissed her temple. "I worry that I'll end up like my father everyday."

That had her unbelieving eyes latching onto mine. "Seriously?"

I nodded.

She leaned on an elbow, taking my face in her hands. "You're nothing like him."

I looked down. "Sometimes I get so angry, it takes everything I have to calm down."

"Oh, Edward..."

I kissed her again, pulling away after kissing her closed eyelids. "We both have things weighing us down. At least, now we have each other."

She smiled. A real one that I was afraid I wouldn't see for a while. "Damn straight."

We kissed, losing ourselves completely to one another.

We had a lot more shit we needed to talk about, but, right then, touch and connection was what we needed.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Hey guys, I'm sorry that I never made it clear what Renee had. It will be stated in this chapter.

Thanks for all the love,

Phee

**Chapter Song: **_Creep _by Stone Temple Pilots

* * *

_Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are._

- Bernice Johnson Reagon

(Edward)

Another week passed, with my mom trying to call me everyday and radio silence from my grandma. I'd text my mom that I was fine but needed some time. She'd text back that she understood, but still called me anyway. There was a part of me that was happy that she didn't listen to my wishes of being left alone. Everyday I became a little less angry at Esme, but I was still stewing about Gran. Bella wouldn't speak anymore about her fear of becoming schizophrenic, but acted as if she hadn't said anything to me at all. When I'd try to bring up the subject, or about what she'd been put through at my Gran's, or about me spying on her, she'd change the subject or distract me. The last I didn't mind one fucking bit. I did wonder and worry why she didn't want to talk to me. I couldn't help the fear of thinking that the reason was because she was thinking about cutting things off with me.

After having enough, I confronted her one day after picking her up from work. Once we were inside her house and relieved Ms. Cotten, I closed the door to her room.

She spun around, looking at me with uneasy eyes. "What?"

"Why are you avoiding talking to me?"

She sighed, looking a little more relaxed as she changed into pajamas. Again, I had to force myself to look at her face instead of her body. "Because I don't see the point in talking things to death."

Aggravation coursed through my limbs to my chest. "So ignoring issues is your solution?"

After pulling on her last piece of clothing, a Grateful Dead shirt, she faced me. "If the issue can't be fixed, then yes."

My mouth popped open as I just stared at her.

"Don't look at me like that?"

I closed my mouth, shaking my head. "Like what?"

"Like I just told you that women don't really have orgasms and have been faking them all these years."

I opened my mouth to say something about what we were originally talking about, but this is what came out, "That isn't true, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course it isn't. Us modern day women wouldn't waste time with men if that was true."

I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling kind of stupid, but letting it go. "Anyway, what part or parts do you think can't be fixed?"

She paused for a moment, pulling out a shoebox with random magazine clippings taped to it from under her bed. "Me."

"Bella." I stepped forward, but stopped in my tracks when she held a hand up.

Placing the box down carefully on the bed, she opened it and rummaged through old photos of her mother and father and herself as a baby then different stages of her life. "I have these thoughts," she started to say so quietly I had to lean in closer to hear. "They started off quiet at first. Little things. Like, _What's this person's ulterior motive? _or _Why is that truck taking every turn I'm taking? _At first, I could ignore them, but lately...it's become impossible since they've becoming louder and worst?"

"Worst how?"

She looked at me. "I have a hard time rationalizing things."

"What kinds of things?"

"Different things, but me and you lately."

The last part had my head snapping back.

She breathed in deeply, looking me dead in the face before releasing the air from her lungs and saying, "I'd become resolved to my future. Staying here for the rest of my life and taking care of my mom...until you."

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't since my lips seemed to be glued shut.

She went on anyway, like she was a dam that had burst. Relentless, unable to be stopped. "You make me question everything, myself and choices mostly. The one thing I can't get out of my head is, _When is he going to leave me?_"

That had me going to her, hugging her.

At first, she didn't return the embrace, then suddenly she was clinging to me like a dryer sheet.

"I thought you were getting ready to leave me," I murmured to her, kissing her neck lightly.

She shivered, pulling away to look at me. "Seriously?"

I nodded.

She looked down, then back into my eyes. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head at her apology. "I'm just glad I was wrong...I am, right?"

"Absolutely."

All my vibrating nerves loosened. "Good." I cupped her face between my hands. "I'm not leaving. At this point you'll have to chase me away with week old dirty underwear."

She laughed halfheartedly, she was still letting fears hold her down though.

We leaned our forehead together, staying that way silently as we absorbed each other's presence.

I opened my eyes. "Have you thought about...talking to a professional about your fear of being like your mother?"

She pulled half away. "No, because I can't afford it."

"What if I could find you someone free of charge?"

"I'd say, not not, but hell no."

I frowned. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to be anyone's charity."

I pulled away then, pacing back and forth as fierce anger took over. "Why are you so impossible?"

She crossed her arms, a statue of pigheadedness. "Why are you so insistent on what I should do?"

That had me stop and spinning around to face her. "Because I'm trying to help you." I nearly hollered. I'd never raised my voice to her until then. "I have to take a walk." I left before she could stop me, which I sure she wasn't planning to, but I got out of there to clear my head.

Maybe I needed help. That was becoming a huge probability. My anger issues had only progressed with age. I was able to control it until recently for some reason.

After thirty minutes of walking around aimlessly, I returned. I knocked, waiting for her to answer. I heard her footsteps coming toward me, my heart beat increased rapidly as the sound got closer as dread coated me like thick icing.

She opened the door, looking at me as if I were a stranger. That look alone had me vowing to get help. "I'm sorry."

After a long, drown out moment, she reached a hand out to me. I took it as if it were a lifeline as she pulled me inside to close the door.

After guiding me to the living room, she sat on the couch, patting the spot next to her.

I sat, looking at everything but her.

She forced me too look at her with a soft hand to my cheek. "On a scale from one to ten, how angry did you get awhile ago?"

I closed my eyes, rubbing my cheek against her palm before peering at her slowly. "Seven and a half."

That had her at a loss. She looked away for a moment, before looking back at me. "I'm glad you're honest and open about it. It's amazing that you could just walk away like that."

I ignored the compliment, because it wasn't rewarding to hear at all. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm getting help, I swear."

She nodded, kissing the side of my mouth. "I will too."

That perked me up a little. "Really?"

She nodded again, tracing my eyebrows and cheekbones with the tips of her fingers like she was programing them to her memory by touch alone. "It wouldn't be fair for us to burden each other or ourselves with these things. Plus, I'd like to know for sure if I'm crazy or not, instead of killing myself worrying about it day and night." She smiled, joking.

I couldn't smile back. I looked down. "I wish I could find this funny."

She pulled my chin up, gazing into my eyes as if they could solve all our problems. If only... "I don't think it's funny either. Sarcasm is a defense for me. Old habits and all that."

After we held each other for a long time, I stepped out to call Tyler Crowley, a psychiatrist who went to my father's church. He'd agreed to take us both, pro bono, promising to keep our meetings to himself. He was a good man, always kind and personable. I wondered if he was like that at home or was he just like Carlisle and unleashed his true self out on the people he was suppose to love and cherish.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Song: **_Silhouettes _by Of Monsters & Men

* * *

_Out of clutter, find simplicity._

_From discord, find harmony._

_In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity. _

-Albert Einstein

(Edward)

We sat in Dr. Crowley's waiting room a week later since that was the only time he could squeeze us in. The room was filled with three big, comfortable couches. Nothing like what I was used to when it came to waiting rooms. The seats were there on purpose to relax us, but it wasn't working. We sat on the edge with our backbones straight as all get out, hands tightly gripped together.

I saw Dr. Crowley pass with the patient before us, chatting quietly.

Way too soon, he appeared before us. "Edward, are you ready?"

I wanted to say, _Do I have to go first?_ but nodded instead.

I kissed Bella's cheek before standing and waiting for her to slowly release my hand. With another nod, I followed him down a narrow hall to the back. He opened the last door and waited for me to step in first. I didn't know what I expected, but this wasn't it. Again there were couches, two of them, with one chair in the corner.

"Sit wherever you want."

I looked at the man I'd been seeing at church for years as sudden panic took hold. _What was I thinking? _I should've found someone else, not a person I was likely to see on a weekly basis.

He smiled, looking as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. "Relax. It's okay. When you see me in public, it will be like it was before. No one will know you see me unless you want them to."

I nodded, sitting on the leather couch that squeaked when I moved.

He rattled off that he was subject to report anything illegal or concerning. I nodded again, knowing that. Which was fine, because I had nothing incriminating to say and I sure wasn't planning on offing myself. I was too big of a puss for that.

After positioning himself in a comfortable position on the chair across from me, he leaned in a little. I wanted to ask him where his notepad was, but kept it to myself. This wasn't anything like I thought it would be. It was kind of better actually. Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It was almost like I could pretend I was talking to a friend or family member, just an unbiased one...sort of. I wasn't sure how loyal he was to my father. Here's hoping he didn't kick my ass out after I told him all my daddy issues.

"So, Edward, why did you come to me today?" He asked this because we refused to give the receptionist any information. Truthfully, the only reason I think we were in here was because of who my father was. Finally, being his son had some perks.

I took fucking forever to get my words out as I thought them through, then restarted over and over again.

Dr. Crowley clapped his hands together softly. "Let's try something different. Close your eyes and pretend your with someone you trust and care about." Bella instantly came to mind. "Got it?"

"Yes."

"For now on, you're talking to that person, not me, okay?"

"Okay," I answered as Bella smiled at me.

"What do you need to talk about, Edward?"

"My father."

"What about him?"

"I'm pissed off at him."

"What causes you're anger?"

I opened my eyes for a second and closed them right back, because I needed to see Bella. It couldn't pretend she was talking because it was just weird to her a male voice coming out of her mouth, but I could pretend that she was the only person hearing me talk. "I never thought I'd ever tell anyone about it. I always assumed I'd handle it until I could leave then never think about it again."

"What did he do, Edward?" The doctor's voice grew panicked.

"He never actually did anything. That's the annoying part. I should let it go, since he never went through with hitting me..."

"Did he threaten to?" Now I heard a little shock. He was trying to hide it, but he was failing epically.

"Not so much with words, but he's eyes and body language said it all."

"What kind of body language?" All he seemed to do was ask questions. Did people really shell out big bucks for this?

I sighed, rubbing my face roughly as Bella made a monkey face by puffing out her cheeks and pulling her ears out. The only reason why I could conjure that image was because she actually did that more often than was consider normal. Her almost second nature peculiarity was one of the best things about her. It also scared her to be different. She was constantly at war with herself.

"Balling up his fist, screaming in my face, looking at me like he did his boxing components, just to name a few."

"I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "After so long of one thing, you almost get used to it."

"What made you leave?"

"My mother."

"What happened?"

"She finally walked in on him loosing his shit." I leaned my head back, slouching. "If she wouldn't have walked in, he would've gone through with it that time."

"That's why you moved out."

I didn't answer since it wasn't a question. Now the questions made sense to me, without them I wouldn't know where to begin or what to say. I nodded when he didn't continue.

"So are you looking to resolve things with your father?"

"_Fuck no_—sorry."

"Don't apologize. Say what you feel in here."

I nodded. "No, I'm here because I'm afraid I'll end up just like him."

"Open your eyes, please."

I pried them open, not wanting to see the man. When he came into focus, his face showed nothing but polite concern and attention.

"That's a perfectly normal fear, Edward."

"Really?"

He nodded. "It's both an issue of nature and nurture."

"Oh."

"Sometimes its a genetic thing, others it a learned thing, and on some occasions, it can be both."

"Do you think it's a both thing for me?"

"I can't answer that now."

"When can you?"

"In time."

I frowned, looking down.

"Don't become discouraged, we'll figure it out together."

I looked at him. "Does it surprise you to hear all this?"

"Honestly, yes and no."

"You got me."

He smiled, his straight teeth were white as fuck compared to his tan face. "I'm surprised because outwardly, Carlisle looks like a pillar of tranquility. I'm also not because I know that people are rarely how they appear to be."

I nodded. "True that."

"So, back to you being like him. What brings on that fear?"

The answer seemed obvious to me, but I indulged him anyway. "I get very angry in situation that I shouldn't."

"Can you give an example?"

I nodded. "Me and Bella were arguing about coming here, and she was being stubborn about it so I snapped."

"What did you do?"

"I walked away."

This answer surprised the shit out of him. "That's impressive, Edward."

"Bella said the same thing."

"Because it is. More than you can understand."

"Care to explain?"

He smiled at me. "Sure. How long have you been dealing with your father's anger issues?"

"Half a decade give or take a year."

He nodded. "And in that time, have you ever seen him walk away right when he started to get angry?"

I thought about it for a second, shaking my head. "No, it was usually because I got away or he heard my mom come in."

"The fact that you have enough self control to walk away is a very good sign."

"What kind of sign?"

"I believe with the right amount of arsenal, you can control your temper."

"Will I need medicine?"

He shook his head. "Only if things progress for the worse."

I nodded. "What kind of arsenal are we talking?"

"Things like walking away, having someone in your life that will let you walk away. I don't like to tell people what to do, but it would be in your best interest not to be with someone who can't let an argument go."

"Bella's nothing like that."

"That's good."

We talked more about how I can control my anger, breathing being a key point. He even showed me how;_ in, out, in, out, in, out. _And doing math in my head or anything that takes my mind of the anger.

"You have to remember that you have control over everything you feel and do. Don't let things overwhelm you."

We talked a bit more, different things about anger and how likely it was that if I kept ignoring it the worse I would be.

One thing he said stuck with me, "Don't fight it. It would be like pushing against a wall when all you have to do is walk around it."

Even though Bella's session was just as long as mine, it seemed to take forever. She probably felt the same way as me when it was my turn. Time flew when all you were doing was talking about yourself. I never talked about myself so much before or talked that much about anything period. It was strange, but not the worst thing ever. The term therapy made sense to me now. I felt lighter, less weighed down. The problems were still there, but they didn't feel like all mighty, indestructible monsters. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I actually had a chance at a semi-normal life.

I hoped Bella felt the same afterwards too.

* * *

**A/N: **Jansails brought the fact that Edward called her Esme instead of mom to be out of character. From time to time he'll think of her as Esme instead of mom, but I'll try to always have him say mom in quotations. It's not a disrespect thing, I just wasn't paying attention.


End file.
